I know the future is unpredictable, that you shouldn't focus on it too much and stay in the present. However, I can't help but worry about my own future from time to time. I try not to think about it too much, knowing that things will work themselves out, but I still feel unsure.

I wrote an article about my Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), which you can find here. I talk about what it is and how I came to be diagnosed. In short, SPD is when the brain has trouble receiving and responding to what comes through the senses.

I've learned to handle a lot of the problems that I dealt with growing up, though there are some I just can't get rid of. I still struggle with certain textures, I tend to start a few tasks at once and many get left uncompleted, but my biggest problem is I have a very hard time being touched.

Unless I initiate the contact, or it's a small child, I can't stand someone touching me. Sitting down, if someone's arm or leg is against mine I move away. Laying next to someone in bed, if they touch me I move away or push them over.

I can't stand any form of contact unless I'm okay with it.

I can do hugs, high fives, and other stuff, if I'm comfortable.

This is why I worry about my future. I worry about being with someone in the sense that I don't care for affection. I don't like holding hands, I don't like cuddling, and as I said I have a hard time sleeping next to someone if there isn't enough room because I don't want anyone touching me.

My SPD doesn't effect my day-to-day life and the way I function. I am able to avoid the things that trigger me, or at least handle it in some way. When it comes to being touched though, I can't just accept it. I know others don't understand or mean any harm when they accidentally touch me, but I will move away. I've slept right on the edge of my bed before because someone was too close to me.

I know the person I end up with would be understanding, would accept me for who I am, but I worry that it will be hard to find that someone, someone who isn't really overly affectionate. I don't want to cuddle up with anyone, I don't want to hold hands with anyone, I don't want any of that contact. I can do kissing and other things, but just simple touching drives me nuts.

Once again, I know I shouldn't think about my future too much. Things will fall into place and I will learn to deal with it better as time goes on. I suppose my goal is to find someone who not only loves me, but is my best friend, someone who accepts me for who I am and will respect my boundries.