Have you ever had that one friend where you were emotionally invested in them more than the rest of your group of friends? For the longest time, you try to figure it out or spend most of the time fighting what you were hoping was not true to only see one of your worst fears had become reality. Now you realize that you have caught feelings for one of your friends and you are anxiously contemplating what to do next. The biggest question you find yourself asking is, “How did I let this happen?” or “What was it that they did to make everything change?” As a person, you think you can control everything around you or at least try, but the one thing that never seems to come to an understanding are your feelings. In the inside, you’re thinking, “I got this,” but your heart is just like, “STOP.” Being friend zoned or the thought of being friend zoned is like doing a free trial subscription and forgetting to cancel and now you’re going to have to pay. It is as if everything is going great while you’re friends and then you realize you liked them and you’re unsure if they feel the same. You want to gain something greater, but do not want to lose it all at the end.

You find yourself thinking about every moment that you have spent together with them, wondering what was it? It was like a switch had been turned on and before you realized it, it seemed that your friends knew you liked that person before you did. The hardest part of it all is trying to fathom how to behave around that person without making it so noticeable, but with trying so hard not too, it became obvious. That’s something I realized: It is better to own up to your feelings than fighting them because the more you fight, the worse you feel within. When you spend so much time with this person, you are trying to measure everything out like there should be a right amount to give. Should I hangout with them now, am I hanging out too much, do I need to act like I really do not care or show them that I will always be in their corner? With all the numerous questions you were asking yourself in the inside, you were steadily beating around the most important question of all: Should I tell them?

I could personally say it sucks and I would not wish that feeling on my worst enemy. Having word-vomit is the most terrifying feeling because it is as if in at any minute, everything you have been thinking about or feeling was going to come spilling out. When you take a minute to gather your thoughts, that is when you begin to put everything together to formulate an explanation. It’s the simplest attributes that can make you love someone. From their genuine personality, even when you have seen them at their worst, you still think they are the best, or how you can look them in their eyes and feel safe because you believe them when they say everything is going to be okay. Basically you can tell when they are lying, the change in their body language, their favorite playlist when they're sad and what’s their favorite snack. And when you look at them, all you want them to understand is that you care. Loving someone as a whole, just as the they are, is like giving them a piece of your heart and not wanting it back because you want them to know that they have a friend everywhere they go. It is the feeling that you think, since this person knows you so well and vice versa, that if y’all dated it would work. You practically know the positives and negatives of each other and you are so close that it is no surprise others already think something is up.

That endearment only becomes hard when you start to think something has changed or something is wrong. Next you start to hear them talk about someone else, the look in their eye changes or the way they communicate seems different. In that moment, you begin to wonder all those times when they cared, made you smiled or acted stupid with you was because they liked you or they were doing it out of friendship. Then you become anxious and perplexed with everything you have done for them and wonder if they realized it was more. You were their biggest fan, you would prayed for them more than you prayed for yourself, constantly trying to protect them and motivate them to achieve what you knew they can. Unspoken emotions is the worst internal battle and regardless of the outcome, you should do it for you and not for them. Do it so you can have closure, peace of mind and a weight off your shoulders. In the end, the worst answer you can receive when you ask them, “Do you feel the same?” is “No.” I rather receive a “no” than not knowing. A “no” could mean “No, let's just be friends,” or “No, not right now.” And that is okay. It is okay to hate to hear that answer, it is okay to hurt and it is okay to wish the outcome would have went different. It is not okay to let it make you bitter, to beat yourself up or to change yourself for them. After everything is all said and done, I would rather have something than nothing at because even though it may not have been the love you wanted, it is probably the love you needed: The unconditional love of a true friend. I’m not saying give up on that person, but don’t wait for them to choose you either. Choose yourself because you never know who will be choosing you next. The only thing that is stopping someone from being a girlfriend or boyfriend is the space put between those two words. That “space” is called the friend zone.