Race for me was always a confusing concept growing up. My mother, white and my father, black, both died when I was seven which left me in the care of my aunt and uncle. With my uncle not being as in touch with his European roots and my aunt being a proud Puerto Rican, it came as no surprise that I had a Puerto Rican upbringing. Regardless of this, when it came to filling out the race/ethnicity portion of documents, my aunt would tell me to bubble in the African-American/Black circle. This threw me into a state of confusion because although I am African-American, I never thought myself as such; I did not have the experiences, or upbringing of one. Most of my racial identity came from me being Puerto Rican, but to have my aunt tell me that I shouldn't identify that way threw me in a loop.
Growing up in Quincy, Massachusetts where the majority of the people I interacted with were either Asian or White, I did not have the chance to see if I fit in with the racial group that I aligned myself with. So instead of doing that, I changed myself and realigned who I was to try and force myself to fit into those groups. It was a sense of racial belonging that I was looking for and it was the opposite experience that came out of this.
Recommended for you
It would take some soul searching and some self-reflection for me to come to a conclusion to this life long problem that I had. During all of those years, I had listened to what other people had to say when it came to my racial identity. I allowed them, instead of myself, to make the decision when it came to who I was racially. This was my problem. How could people who did not have the experiences that I had, that weren't me, decide and comment on who I was or what I was? Not even my aunt could make this decision for me, even though she was family. Ultimately, when it comes down to it, I was the only one that could identify me in a way that would satisfy me the most. The decision was easy, even though it doesn't run through my veins; Puerto Rico is what keeps me running. My heart, my mind and my soul all say it clearly -- Soy Boricua, I'm Puerto Rican.
