I was raised in America by a loving mom and dad who were born in America.
I was born in another country.
When I was seven months old, my mom and dad flew across the ocean to adopt me from South Korea. I grew up in a predominantly caucasian suburb where people constantly looked at my parents and me funny because I am very clearly different from them.
Being adopted from another country faces challenges in itself. Even worse, however, are the responses and comments I get from society. When it comes to international adoption, I’ve realized that Americans are often clueless. So, I want to help educate.
Being a South Korean adoptee living in America, here is what I wish people understood:
1. My adoptive parents are not made of plastic.
More often than not, my parents who adopted me aren’t considered “real” by people. I sometimes get asked, “Where are your real parents?” and it is frustrating beyond belief.
Even if it isn’t intentional, it seems to diminish the value of my adoptive parents - you know, the ones who raised me, who always made sure I had clothes to wear, a roof over my head, and food to eat; who put up with all my teenage angst, sat in the freezing cold to watch my soccer games, drove me to all my social activities, and loved me unconditionally.
2."Do you want to find your birthparents?" is a personal question I'd rather you didn't ask.
Whether you recognize it or not, adoption is a sensitive topic for many adoptees. For many, there are unanswered questions and emotions that we don’t always understand. Asking me if I want to find my birthparents feels like an invasion of my privacy because there are a lot of emotions that go along with that question.
I may not always show it, but the topic of adoption does affect me.
3. I. Am. From. Wisconsin.
Because I was adopted when I was a baby, the only life I ever knew was a life in the United States. I was raised in Wisconsin and lived there for over 17 years, which, being 22, is over ¾ of my life. So, when you ask me where I am from, I am going to tell you Wisconsin.
If you are trying to figure out my ethnicity, please ask me what my ethnicity is. When I tell you I’m from Wisconsin, please don’t respond, “No, where are you really from?” because I may reply with, “Narnia.”
4. There are more countries in Asia than China and Japan.
When people try to figure out my ethnicity, they often assume I’m either Chinese or Japanese. Sometimes, after asking if I’m either Chinese or Japanese, I get the next question: “Then what are you?”
I am Korean.
5. Once you figure out I'm Korean, please don't ask me north or south.
I can guarantee you if I was North Korean I either wouldn’t be here, or wouldn’t tell you I’m from North, because I’d probably be put on a list of terrorists.
6. I do not speak or understand Korean.
Sometimes, people who know Korean will start speaking to me in Korean after they learn I’m Korean. I know more French than Korean, and the extent of my knowledge of French is “Oui, Je m’appelle Michelle.”
7. I don't listen to K-Pop or watch Korean Dramas.
My favorite band (insert fangirl moment here), Tenth Avenue North, is based out of Nashville. My favorite films include Now You See Me, Harry Potter, and The Prestige. I can’t name any K-Pop artists or any Korean Dramas unless I Google it.
And no, I don’t like Gangnam Style (sorry Psy).
8. It's actually really hurtful when you say "You're so lucky, your parents got to choose you."
Because you know what? Somebody else didn’t. Despite the fact that I know, without a doubt, that my adoptive parents love me and that I’m loved more than I can even comprehend by Jesus, there’s always a question of, “What if my birth mother didn’t?”
9. I am a U.S. Citizen.
My parents filled out a lot of paperwork to adopt me, and then again when I was six, so I could have full U.S. Citizenship. I have a Wisconsin Driver’s license, I voted in Minnesota, and I have been employed in three different states without a green card.
The only thing I can’t do is become President, which sounds way too stressful anyway. Also, I think I like cameras better than people most days.
10. I am blessed to be adopted.
I love my adoptive family. I have had amazing experiences in the U.S. and have no intentions of living outside of it for any extended period of time. I am blessed to have the life I have.
As far as the adoption agency knows and is allowed to disclose, my birth parents couldn’t provide for me the life they wanted me to have. So, they’ve given me a life here, in America.
And you know what the most beautiful thing about that is? My life has impacted others. People have come to me and told me that I have inspired them, I’ve encouraged them, I’ve brought them hope.
God’s used me here, to make the world a little bit brighter, even if it’s only for a few people. If I had never been adopted, some people’s lives may look a little different.
I know mine sure would.
