Yes, this is a petty article about why I hate soup. I am a firm believer that soup is not a meal and just overall the worst. In sixth grade, my hatred started. I was in line in the cafeteria. It was grilled cheese and tomato soup day. Naturally, I have been looking forward to this day all week in anticipation. I walk through the very long line and proudly request a grilled cheese and tomato soup. The lunch lady looks at me and says "Oh honey we're out". Now, of course, my world was crashing in around me. This is literally the worst moment of my life. Are you kidding me? How could you just run out? She could see the distraught on my face and said, "We still have soup though". I nodded and took the soup. Now, as a blanket statement never eat cafeteria soup. It's just the worst. From that day on, I've come to realize that soup is just the worst.
I know you're probably thinking, "Oh this poor sweet child had soup ruined for her all because she had a bad experience". To that, I say yes and no. That moment started the hatred but there is fuel to add to the fire. You see, if you really look at it, what even is soup? If you said a glorified beverage poured into a fancy bowl that we spoon into our mouths with small shovels, you'd be spot on. I mean, you honestly can't tell me that the way we eat soup is so weird. We don't eat other foods like that. The closest thing that matches the consistency of most soups is a smoothie. We drink those with straws. BAM, gotcha! The next unsettling fact about soup is it's literally chunks of other food floating in liquid. Oh boy, that sounds amazing. Absolutely not. Also, SLURPING.
How foul is it that it's almost impossible to "eat" soup without making obnoxious noises with your mouth? No thanks.
Now, I understand there are folks that need to eat soup. Older people with bad bladders and actual fetus' have an excuse because you know they can't just, you know, eat a burger. But guess who can? There you go. Now you're getting it. An average person doesn't require pre-masticated food that gets passed off as real nutrition. When you really break it down, that's all soup is. They are mostly water-based and to that, I say okay drink water. I understand that there are some that have a chicken broth or some other broth as a base. That's gross. Why do you want chicken water? I'm sorry, I just don't see the appeal. Go eat some chicken.
I could probably go on forever about how I hate soup but I'll stop here for your sake. I hope I have enlightened you about soup and how it is just purely inhuman. Don't just take my word for it. Google "I hate soup" and you'll find many results saying the exact same thing. Join team #SoupSucks!
