To my fellow perpetually single ladies and gents, I feel you. I’m in the same boat. BUT I’m here to tell you that it’s not the end of the world. Really. Despite what society says. It’s not even close. In fact, #singlelife can the best, most beneficial and healthy phase to be in.

I’m not going to lie, that's not to say it doesn't suck sometimes. That it doesn't feel like it's the best thing ever. I understand it’s hard to feel that way when you constantly feel alone. When you want to share your life with someone, but it never seems to work out. It’s hard when you feel like you’re lacking or that you’re doing something wrong. That somehow, you’re unloveable.

Have you ever thought about your trail of “almosts” and wondered why? Concluded that you’re not enough? Same. So before I tell you why being single can be the best thing ever and how to make it so, we first have to start with the WHY. Because all of us ask why. And the answer to that is NOT because you aren’t enough. You are enough. It could be because:

·You’re young and simply have not met the right person.

·You’re young and your dating pool is not ready for serious relationships.

·Maybe you’re not ready for a serious relationship.

·You’ve grown out of the “hook-up” and “casual” phase and those around you haven’t yet.

·You have standards you stick to.

·You don’t date simply to not be alone.

·You don’t have many opportunities to meet new people.

·You don’t know what you want, so no one is what you want.

It’s easy to only see what’s failed and what’s hurt you, and forget about all of the things that have gone right. A wonderfully wise and kind friend of mine helped me look at it this way… Think of your family and friends.

For me, I’ll choose my grandpa. My grandpa has always been my biggest fan. He constantly tells me how smart and special I am, how I will change the world. He reminds me that he will always be my best friend, and he’ll always stand by me no matter what. The same holds true for my parents, my siblings, my best friends.

I am enough for so many people, so why would I let relationships determine my worth? It doesn’t make logical sense. Relationships start and end, and if we let them determine so much of how we view ourselves (good or bad), not only is it self destructive, but it’s terribly sad for our loved ones to see.

I imagine my grandpa saying, “you’re loved by me, isn’t that proof enough?” and yes! It is! It is. So, before we move on, we must talk about the correlation between dating and self-worth, because it has gotten a bit out of hand.

I don’t know when or why “lovable” “worthy” and “successful” became so closely linked to “serious relationship” “loved by a significant other” and “marriage.”

Somehow, single men and women are expected to be in a phase, and after finding someone, they’ll have somehow achieved a societal standard when they became taken.

Whether conscious or subconscious, I have definitely been caught up in that mentality. When I see people get into relationships or get engaged, I somehow feel less lovable than them. I know that sounds crazy, and I know it isn’t true, but honestly, I feel it a lot. And I know I’m not alone in that.

I think unlovable is a feeling that many, many of us feel on a daily basis.

As a culture, we have made a grave mistake. We continuously downplay the importance and relevance of friendship. We continuously push it aside for “true love.” We have forgotten how vital community and friendship is in our life.

You may not have a romantic partner, but you aren’t single. You are joined to others by blood, by heart, by choice…. Someone calls you daughter. Someone calls you son. Someone calls you friend.

It is time to stop feeling unwanted or unlovable just because I’m not being chosen romantically. Because I am chosen: by my family. By my friends. By my God.

Now that we’ve been through all of that, I finally can tell you how to utilize and enjoy this alone time. More than likely, one day you will be in a relationship and the best way to have a healthy, stable one is to be unwavering and steadfast in knowing your worth beforehand. What better time to work towards believing in your worthiness than right now?

• Learn how to cook

• Read a lot of books

• Treat yourself the way you want to treat your future partner and how you want them to treat you.
  • It’s like how on airplanes, they tell you to put the mask on yourself before your loved ones. Because you have to be healthy in order to help. In order to love well.·

• Find all of the best hiking trails in your city

• Work really, really hard at whatever it is you’re doing: school, work, whatever.

• Get in the best shape of your life.

• Make a commitment to yourself
  • I don’t like the saying “no one will love you until you love yourself” because that’s not true… but realistically, how can you expect someone to choose you when you’ve never chosen yourself?

• Become the person you’d want to date
  • Set your standards high. Be your best self and you will attract the best.

• Don’t overthink it

• Be open

• Appreciate and build your friendships
  • Don’t forget that these are the people by your side right now—they are important and they love you!

• Make time to figure out what you want and how to ask for it.
  • Don’t waver or give up on your standards just because you’re impatient.

Life isn’t about finding love in another person, anyways.

It’s just become so, so ingrained in us. Every fairytale ends with love. We expect love to fix everything, to complete us, to fill up all our emptiness and make us whole. But the truth is, no human being can ever fill us up the way we need.

We wait for love to come, and say, “then I’ll be happy.” But it’s time to realize that this time of singleness is just as important as any other time of your life.

Don’t wait around for love to become who you want to be. Don’t wait for love to start loving, don’t wait for love to start believing in yourself, don’t wait for love to feel like your life is starting… your life is now! You can do so much. You can experience and learn and grow so much. It’s just up to you.

xoxo