The word sorry is probably one of my most used words. It comes out of my mouth way too often. It just slips out before I can assess the situation and deem it appropriate. It has now come to the point that people often tell me, “You don’t need to apologize” or “You apologize way too much.” To which I respond with, “Sorry.”
I just can’t help it. Although it might not be my fault, I feel responsible for causing any inconvenience. This comes from a very small age when my parents emphasized the importance of respect and politeness. It was ingrained into my head to always say sorry for causing any bothers. To some extent, growing up in a Mexican household is a big reason why I apologize way too often so I don’t come across as rude and pretentious. I inadvertently took the deep and genuine meaning of sorry and turned it into a filler word. It is not that I am fake or insincere when I am apologizing. On the contrary, I honestly feel the responsibility and utter need to say sorry. It is a way of relieving my unnecessary guilt.
As of late, I have started to be more aware of when I say sorry. I noticed that I use it to fill in the voids of the conversation after a mishap. It is my way of avoiding awkwardness, which really tends to do the opposite. People frequently call me out on it, which leads to me just standing there without a clue of what to do. Because of that, I have been trying to minimize the amount of times I say sorry. I close my mouth and bite down my tongue to break the habit. In all honesty, I have been pretty successful in reducing the amount. I have come to terms with the fact that sometimes I am not at fault; other people are responsible for causing the mishap. Knowing that something is not my fault relieves the guilt I might feel, which in turn stops me from saying sorry.
Going forward, I can apply what I have learned from coming to terms with my use of sorry to other aspects of my life. I feel like now I am more empowered by my true self. I am able to better recognize, own, and learn from my mistakes. I see my strengths; I see my weaknesses. I am able to be the ultimate unapologetic true self. I can’t be held down by imposed standards that are ridiculous. Things are not always my fault, so I cannot bend over backwards or bow down my head and say sorry when I don’t need to.
