Dear Those I Have Hurt,
Please understand that I want to open up to you, but that right now I just can't. Know that it has nothing to do with my trust in you or my views of you as a person. I have a very hard time opening up about the way I feel. Whenever I try there's this voice inside my head telling me not to. It tells me not to burden people with the insides of my mind.
I know you want me to express my feelings. I know you want me to let you in. It's the same I ask of you. The only difference is that I, knowing what you go through, couldn't possibly give you a share of what troubles my mind. While that puts more stress and struggle on my side, it's not who I am to give you any reason to worry.
I know I ask you to confide in me and let me be the one who gives you that stability. I ask you to use me as your confidant and your rock to hold you up when you aren't strong. I want to be the one you can share your problems with so that you can lighten the hold it has on you. I want to take some of the weight away so that you can stand a little easier.
To me, you can never be weak or pathetic, only strong and brave for letting someone have a slither of your soul. As much as I wish I could give you that little sliver of my soul, let you carry some of the weight I hold, my heart and soul will only allow me to give you what I think you deserve, which is only good and happiness.
For those who have seen a little into my soul and have witnessed some of the troubles weighing me down, I'm sorry you had to see that. I don't want you to worry about me. I only want you to see my carefree and happy self. I wish I could be that way all the time, but sadly I am only human. I don't want you to think I can't handle anything you have to say.
I will forever be there for you. I will forever push my feelings aside until I know that you are okay. There is nothing I'm going through that I can't deal with at a later time.
So to those I have hurt by saying I'm fine and that I can't talk about it, know that I love you with such ferocity that I couldn't possibly trouble you. To those closest to me, I'm trying to find ways to express how I feel, but bear with me, it might be a bumpy road. To those coming into my life, know that I'm working on opening up about how I feel. I can tell you the factual information that I have experienced, but my feelings about said subjects is a little harder to portray. Okay, it's a lot harder.
I'm sorry if I've made you believe that I don't trust you. In reality, I trust you with my life and it has nothing to do with how I see you. Know I'm taking steps to open up my heart and soul more.
