Of all the lessons life has to offer, accountability is one of the most important. Coincidentally, it is also the one we take longest to completely understand. And in certain cases, some of us never truly do. Learning to take responsibility for not only yourself and for your actions, but for the way they make others feel is as hard to learn as it is to teach because of how exceptionally easier it is to do the opposite.
It's undeniably more comfortable to continue to believe that you are in the right and valid than it is to admit that maybe, just maybe, although your actions were valid they weren't necessarily right. Because maybe, just maybe, that would, in turn, mean that we've hurt just as much as we've been hurt.
And if that's true, what kind of person would that make us?
It's so much easier to blame others for pain, or hurt, or disappointment. So much simpler to be angry or defensive or to go down swinging. Because in a way, we feel safe. It makes us feel safe, makes us feel in control of our feelings and the situation. We're protected by the idea that we were cheated, that it was us who was wronged and so we came out on top. There are always three sides to a story, and we shelter ourselves under our side.
We pick out others faults without realizing our own toxicity. We turn ourselves into the hero without acknowledging that we are the villain in so many stories.
There's a fine line between staying accountable and blaming. Blaming ourselves is negatively burdening ourselves with an outcome that we probably can't change. It's unhealthy and unrealistic and will in no way add to personal growth. On the contrary, playing the blame game will more than likely keep you stuck.
Staying accountable, on the other hand, is the ability to recognize the ways in which we've impacted others' lives. It's taking a long hard look in the mirror and choosing to see the ways in which we too made mistakes, and how we could have been better and then acting on it. It's learning from our past, and the trouble we've caused and moving forward. Bettering ourselves.
We often confuse validity for the truth. The way we feel will always be valid. No one can tell us what to feel or why we feel it – we simply feel what we feel for whatever reason. Does that mean that the actions that result from those feelings are equally as valid? Not necessarily.
Although the validity of our feelings will never change, our actions are an entirely different story and that's where we need to take responsibility. Because our actions won't always reflect our character, sometimes they just reflect a temporary feeling, whether it be a simple argument or an entire stage in your development, and we need to be aware of that.
Sometimes we're so busy pointing out the ways in which others in our lives have been toxic or harmful that we don't want to talk about the damage we've done in return. We don't want to admit that we've been just as hurtful, caused just as much pain, been just as difficult because then how are we any better?
The answer is simple: we're not.
But we will be.
Own up to your toxicity. Find the power in admitting that you were wrong and that you're imperfect, and that you've cause people pain. Not because it's a good thing, because it most definitely isn't, but because the cycle ignorance creates will only harm you in the long run. Living in a world where you've convinced yourself that you're constantly being dealt the short stack is living in a delusion.
You'll find that we are hardly if not ever the sole victim in a situation so it's time we stop acting like it.
