This is not an article that tells you to get over your fears and conquer them as if they were simply a small rock that was ruining your smooth path in life. Nor is this an article that challenges you to not fear anything because I do not yet have the answer on how to do this.
What I have learned about fears, though, is that it is wise to understand that they are nothing for you to be afraid of. Fear is what is wrapped up in the dread, the doubt, the uneasiness that can come along with a multitude of new or past events, people and places. It is important to be sure that these fears do not define the actions you take and the words you speak. It is important to learn more about the fears you hold and how you can befriend them.
What I mean by befriending them is to acknowledge them. Get to know your fears and try to understand why they have developed in the way they have. More often than not, by understanding your fears, you will be better able to work with them and live how you dreamt you would.
One of my fears is that I will say the wrong words at the wrong time. It is because of this fear that I repeatedly stop myself from saying what I mean to say. I can be reluctant to tell someone to calm down in a moment of panic because I doubt it will be of help to the situation. I can be scared to tell someone how much I love them because I doubt it is the right time. I can be worried to speak up when something is not right because I fear facing the one doing the wrong.
It is in these moments when I doubt my words of encouragement, of patience, and of conviction that these words are really needed the most.
The befriending of this fear involves me reflecting on where this doubt comes from. I believe for me it is the doubt that has come from the past. The past experiences where I have faced embarrassment or confusion for what I said, and I further discouraged and taught myself to hold my tongue. And so now the fear is able to have a strong presence within my future experiences because I expect them to have the same outcome as my past ones did.
The learning process continues on when I start to feel the familiar letdown for not saying what I needed to say the most. I start to learn that these words unspoken are the ones I need to share the most.
This is where we meet the stage that I am facing right now. I have recognized my fear, discovered where it has come from, and now I am learning how best to work with it.
Because I know that I am going to be scared to speak up in different situations, I have started to challenge myself to voice my thoughts in smaller situations. I am slowly getting to be more comfortable in strengthening my voice, and by doing this, I am not conquering my fear with one giant leap of strength, but slowly and surely showing that I am stronger than it.
All because I wasn't afraid to acknowledge the fear and get to know it.
