First love isn’t always something that smiles up at you shyly with eyelashes fluttering demurely. Sometimes first love is something that has every opportunity to hurt you - and sometimes it takes all of those opportunities, taking your love and using it against you.
“I was a sophomore when I first met her. Technically, we had met before, but we didn’t become friends until sophomore year,” he said. “I was skeptical of her at first but we soon became great friends.”
Though he asked her out twice, she said no on both occasions; so he decided to just be friends.
“Over time, she started to have feelings for me and told me about it, but I had lost interest. She was okay with it,” he said. “We were inseparable. We hung out every day and after school for years.”
He found a girl he liked, she found a boy that she liked, and new relationships started. Though there were new components added to the friendship, it was still the same.
“Once January of senior year rolled around, things got complicated. We both broke up with our significant others, and then she asked me if we were ever going to date,” he said. “I said maybe. We gave it a try but I didn’t kiss her, so she broke up with me and went back with her ex-boyfriend the next day.”
Most bad relationships give away signs long before they turn sour - like a bruise on an apple warning you. This is true of their relationship, as she demanded more of him than she ever would have given, and abused both his feelings and drugs.
“I got back together with Ashley, and we were going really well until she dumped her boyfriend again and gave me an ultimatum. She said, ‘If we don’t give this another try then we are done being friends,’ and at this point she started doing drugs,” he said. “I didn’t want to lose her as a friend so I told her that after prom I would start dating her.”
Prom came and he donned a blue tie and she just so happened to wear a blue dress. He didn’t notice - but the apple was starting to show more bruises, the plants were withering on the windowsill.
“After prom I did what I promised and broke Ashley’s heart. I wanted to try and get her off drugs,” he said. “After a summer of trying, she was still on drugs. I went to college."
“Blinded by love, I believed her when she said she was sober until I heard she got in a car wreck. I knew at that point she was still on drugs and I dumped her but remained friends.”
Her problems were oblivious to all who knew - but she never seemed to see that she was the cause of her problems. Instead, she blamed him for her problems. He responded with silence.
“A month of not talking to her went by and then I got a text from her with the word ‘sorry’ carved into her arm,” he said. “I started crying that night and I had to call my mom to calm me down. The next day I deleted her number.”
He started looking around at college with no luck. Though he tried throughout a semester of school to move on, he decided to give her another chance after he heard she was in rehab and trying to get back on track.
“Even after forgiving her I was still depressed for the semester. Heart broken and scared, she would screw me again. I quit caring about my classes and just went into hibernation,” he said. “I finally got better during that summer. I was still good friends with her.”
At the end of the year, he had a one night encounter with a mutual friend. But then she came up to him again during the summer, and he went back, though he promised himself it wouldn’t lead to more.
“We started dating that semester. Once December rolled around, I found out that she had been cheating on me with a girl. She even slept in the same bed with her when I was over at her house after a Christmas party,” he said. “I was heartbroken yet relieved. I was finally done with that cancer.”
He turned to the friends he had made before, and he started to date again. However, the new girlfriend got an internship in Florida after a month, and the two split.
“We said we were going to be friends, but she stopped answering my texts and I was sad. For the summer I was talking and flirting with my other friend, and she surprised me and came to see me, but she ended up kissing and having sex with another guy,” he said. “I bawled for twenty-five minutes after it happened. It was a low moment."
“Then I decided to give up dating, until I met someone. She has been amazing to me and the best decision I’ve made relationship wise. I can’t believe I am this lucky.”
Love isn’t always a good thing, but it can be. Now when I hear him laughing, I hear love in his laughter. I see it all around him - a glow that is sustaining him, nurturing him.
“Some things just don’t work out the way you hope they will. Sometimes you meet people that you would never know you would fall in love with,” he said. “I’m glad I ended up where I am now.”
