"You don't looksick." Well, you didn't look ignorant before you said that, so I guess looks really can be deceiving.
OK, that might be a little harsh to say, but when you hear that constantly, you get tired of it for sure. As someone who has three chronic invisible physical illnesses and two mental invisible illnesses, I would know. Don't get me wrong, there are some advantages to having an invisible illness; however, this is not that article. We are here to focus on the real struggle of not being able to show that you are actually sick. This article is also for those of you who have any type of invisible illness and feel alone. You are not. We others are out here and will get through this together.
1. Fighting the old impression of yourself.
Remember, you look the same to others. People can't tell that something has changed drastically in your life. When my depression got stronger, I started to get emotionally and physically strained from trying to keep my "always energetic and happy" facade up. I would walk into a room silently and immediately be asked by people, "Oh my gosh, are you OK? You're being so quiet. What's wrong?" When this constantly happened, I felt like I had to keep up my happiness so that people would stop asking me if I was "OK." Guys, it is OK to change. If you keep fighting who you really are, it's hurting you more than others. They can learn to accept your change in personality. People deal with others growing up and changing all the time; however, if you keep trying to be the person that you were and no longer really are, you don't give them or even yourself the chance to learn to love the new you.
2. The dreaded, "You don't look sick!"
Yes, I know. I am sorry I don't look physically and utterly different now that I have an illness. My bad. I should've clicked the "visibly ill" check box in the desired part of this illness application. Also, how does one respond to that? I usually respond with that awkward half chuckle and mumble, "Haha, yeah, I know..." It's not like one can be like, "Whoops, sorry Carol. Sorry you can't see that my stomach acid is currently burning and damaging my stomach lining and esophagus and causing me indescribable pain. Maybe next time you can see it and then you can believe that I am sick."
3. Those days you really just can't.
Having these days are the worst, because you just physically and/or mentally can't do anything and you feel ashamed about it. You feel so incompetent because everyone around you is getting on with their life, but you're just there. You sort of just exist, but on these days, you don't believe it's really for a purpose. It is OK to not be OK. I know we live in a fast paced, hard working and crazy ambitious world, but it is OK to have days to yourself. You are not less significant just because you just don't have the energy to do things that day. Treat. Yo. Self. to a day off if you need it.
4. The other dreaded, "It's all in your head."
You're right, Carol. Even with multiple doctor's reports and test results proving I have these illnesses, I've been making it all up in my head. And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling adults!
5. Being asked "Have you tried so-and-so?"
Listen here, Carol, I really do appreciate that you are trying to help. It means even more to me that you may or may not have looked up information about my illnesses. I would just like to say that I too have looked at other remedies. I am the only one that really knows my own individual symptoms and how they affect me. Yes, there are others who have the same illnesses as me, but my body is unique and different from theirs, as theirs are to mine. I appreciate the ideas, but I think I will stick to what my doctors tell me and the modifications I know I need to make to my body.
6. "Your story."
There's a point in any relationship, intimate or not, where the person will ask you "your story." "How did this happen?" "What exactly is your illness?" and so many more questions. Depending on the person you talk to, you have to alter your story. Sometimes you know that person can't handle the hard truth so you dumb it down. Other times you know that this person is a real G and can handle all the gory details. You never really have one solid story, and you need to accept that you might never get to have a straight up answer for others to hear.
There are so many other disadvantages to having an Invisible illness. These are only a few that I came up with for this article. If you know someone that has an invisible illness, try to think things from their perspective. Now, I am not saying don't ask them things. If you are genuinely curious, feel free to ask! We've been asked so many times that I'm sure that telling another person one more time won't hurt us. Just be aware that some of the things that have been asked and said to us are more hurtful than helpful. Trust me when I say this: no one is more aware of their illnesses than the one who has it. I know that sounds obvious, but some people tend to forget it. We do really appreciate you asking us how we are; however, please remember, we are not our illness(es). Some don't realize that sometimes every single person we encounter says and asks the exact same things about our illnesses and then nothing else. People forget we have other attributes to ourselves other than our illness(es).
For those who are going through this, you got it. You are not alone. You will never be alone. As cliche as it is, it really does help to go and find others who are going through the same as you are. They'll understand you on a deeper level that you could never experience with someone who does not have the same thing as you. You are loved. You are not less important. You are strong. You are so special, you see the world in a different way. You should be so proud of yourself for all that you are conquering.
From one "sick" person to another,
*Disclaimer: Carol was a random name I chose. It does not depict anyone in reality. If it offends someone in any way, it was not intentional. My apologies.
