My whole life, I have looked forward to my wedding day.

I’ve dreamed of the ring, the way he will propose, our wedding colors, the cake, the dress I’ll wear, if he’ll cry when I walk down the aisle, a conversation my future husband and my dad will have before I walk down the aisle.

I’ve dreamed of the tears my mom will cry while putting my beautiful gown on me and the note my fiancé will write to me to read before I walk down the aisle and marry him. I’ve dreamed of the wedding party, bridesmaid dresses, the venue, the food we’ll serve, the toast my new husband will give about how much he absolutely adores me. I’ve had every aspect of my future wedding planned for God knows how long.

I mean… Doesn’t every girl?

But here’s my problem with that: I hate that I can’t stop thinking about it.

I mean, guys. I can’t stop planning it. I can’t stop dreaming about it. It’s ALWAYS in the back of my mind. I even have a Pinterest board titled “my future wedding” even though I don’t have a ring on my finger. Hell, I had that board before I even had a boyfriend.

I hate how society made me, and every other girl, be this way. I hate that society has taught girls to dream of their wedding. Society throws wedding ideas and gorgeous dresses and everything alike all over our timelines, to the point where you see posts that say “Somebody marry me real quick so I can wear this wedding dress.”

Shouldn’t you want to get married because you’re just so in love with somebody that you want to spend the rest of my life with them, not because you want to have a wedding?

From the time a little girl is born, she is taught to be a mother. Girls are the ones that are given baby dolls, not boys. When a little girl is still a baby, you’re teaching her how to care for babies already. In pre-school, the girls played house while the boys played with cars and built in the sandbox.

A girl is taught that if she wants a real baby, she must have a boy to be the daddy. When the boys fell down, they were taught to be men and wipe it off, but when the girls fell down, society didn’t teach them to get up on their own; society taught them to rely on somebody else to get them up and make them better.

You wonder why so many girls have “boy issues” or “let men use them” or “can’t be independent.” From before we could even think for ourselves, you taught us that we needed men. Most women don’t know how to get themselves up when they fall down because our entire lives other people have been picking us up. So when that girl doesn’t have somebody to pick her up, she isn’t going to know how.

I sat in the library studying for an exam the other day with a couple of my male friends from class. Somehow, the talk of marriage came up and I learned that they don’t think they want to get married. They feel like they have to.

One of them even said, “I don’t want to ever get married.” And I stayed silent, because how pathetic is it that I have wanted to get married as long as I can possibly remember. I should want to be married because I love somebody that much, not because I want to have a diamond ring and beautiful wedding dress.

I’ve been through some absolutely horrible relationships, and I can say for a fact that I stayed in those relationships because he “loved” me and that meant maybe he would put a ring on my finger and I could finally have the day I have been dreaming of. But, like I said, they were horrible relationships.

That wasn’t love, I was making it something it wasn’t because I’ve been dreaming of my wedding my whole life, I didn’t even care who was at the end of the aisle. If he wanted to marry me, I was going to do it.

Now, I’m not like that anymore. I still crave that wedding, but I’m not settling anymore because I’ve learned my self-worth. But I bet somewhere out there, there is another girl who walked down the aisle, or is saying yes to walking down the aisle, because society has taught her to dream of that “big day” her entire life, that she just wants the day.

In today’s society, I’m told that I am equal to men. And trust me, I believe that I have traits, education, and the ability to be just as qualified or educated as a man. I have self-respect, I have the ability to not need a man for anything and everything. However, I was raised to think that I needed to have a wedding, a husband, and a baby at such a young age that I can’t stop wanting it.

Society kept teaching me to depend on other people that I almost didn't know how to be independent. Instead of being told I need a boy to take care of me, and teaching me how to care for my future family, I should have been taught how to take care of myself.

I have learned how to take care of myself and how to be independent, in a good way. I don't give somebody the power to take away all my happiness and shatter my world anymore. I know how to survive when I don't have somebody there to take care of me. I have the ability to create my own happiness and be able to go through a day without giving somebody else the power to ruin it.

But I have also learned how to depend on a significant other to be there when I have bad days, to bring me soup when I'm too sick to get out of bed, to take me safely home from the bar each and every night, to help me make big decisions and to help me pick up all my pieces when I fall apart.

One day, I will have the day I’ve been dreaming of, but I will have it for the right reasons: because I love that man so much I want to be with him until the day I die. Until then, I will continue to post on that dang Pinterest board of mine and keep wishing that every girl who walks down an isle will do it for love, not for that “big day” they’ve had planned since they were 8.