We're all too familiar with the classic dm slide in that has become the modern way for "romance" to begin. I'm personally still a fan of developing relationships in person but many start online now and talking online is perfectly fine...as long as it doesn't come about in a super creepy way! Something I've noticed that plagued me when I was single and still is an issue with many of my female friends is the fact that men who know their names but don't know them in person are searching social media to find them. I'd like to make an official PSA asking everyone (because yes this article is aimed at men but anyone can do it) to STOP with that it is very creepy and makes people very uncomfortable. Nobody asked you to do that.
I've noticed this happens a lot with tinder. People will see someone on tinder and then try to find them on social media. No this is not just with people who have their social media accounts attached. I've had friends have their social media found (mind you tinder only shows your first name and photos unless you include anything in your bio) by men on tinder who just "couldn't wait to match." This is incredibly alarming that someone who would just take your first name and scour the internet whether it be university related facebook groups, etc. just to find you! News flash: if someone you see on tinder wants to talk to you THEY'LL DO SO ON TINDER. This move isn't cute because it goes the extra mile- it's stalker-like behavior. It's also important to note that not only is it about being patient for someone to match you, but someone can choose to not match you at all. SO what makes you think if someone wasn't interested in you based off your tinder (which they have every right to make that decision for themselves) that they'll like you now that you've become that creepy internet guy they don't know. Cut it out.
If you think that people with social media dating profiles "asking for it" or should expect that (it is still too far) but moreover this isn't the only way this creepy behavior occurs. I used to wear my name tag at work. One day, a guy came in who I only spoke to briefly and normally about why he was there and helping him sign in. Unbeknownst to me, he must have looked at my nametag because he ended up trying to follow my Instagram and messaging me hitting on me. No, I wasn't flirtatious. I wasn't even dressed any particular way that people perpetuating rape culture often incorrectly assume as being inviting to men. I was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, no make-up and my hair in a messy bun. Most importantly, I was at my place of work. It was incredibly inappropriate for this man to use the information he learned about me from visiting my job to try to hit on me and overall incredibly creepy that something you think as being so normal such as having a name-tag was used to further someone's agenda. This was a year ago and I still do not wear my name-tag because of it as I don't like how it was taken by someone as an invitation into my life and personal space.
Overall in case you didn't know, sending a message to someone you found by going through facebook using their first name and face and saying (direct quote) " i seen you in tinder and tried to find your facebook and i finally did" displays STALKER behavior and it doesn't matter if you just "mean well." Let it be known that people DO NOT FIND THIS CUTE and this is not the way to go about getting to know someone so stop being so creepy.
