Recently, I decided that I would disappear from social media for a while because it was affecting my mental health. Though I haven't been clinically diagnosed with depression or anxiety, the symptoms were there. For the most part, I played it off. Posting uplifting and inspiring quotes, retweeting my favorite comedian's jokes, and even telling my followers about the accomplishments I had during the year was all a facade, to my true feelings. I made my social media profiles a reflection that I wish I could see in the mirror. Most people know I'm continuously laughing but lately, I've been laughing only to keep from crying.

My closest friends didn't even know that social media effected my well-being because on the outside I was the normal everyday functioning, Raven. Honestly, I can't even find the direct correlation between when my anxiety and depression began but social media heightened it.

There were two major factors in my decision to go on social hiatus 1. the current state of the country(school shootings, police brutality, racism…etc) 2. comparing my life to the people I was following.

Like clock-work, I would wake up in the morning to check Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter. Addicted to scrolling, stories, and the shade. I needed to know who was on the up and up and if anyone was paying attention to me. I was making myself sick, and still am, so I made the decision to save my sanity and log out.

I hated that I was becoming so concerned with my social image and being “lit for Snap" or “flexing for the Gram" that I flexed so hard I snapped. My self-esteem plummeted and if you took a look at my IG captions, retweets or stories, you would think I was a totally different person. Insecurity, self-loathing and everything in between ran through my thoughts when I was alone.

Mental health is not something that anyone should ignore. Many people are suffering from mental health issues and aren't talking about because they lack the resources such as access to mental health professionals or having coverage from their health care provider. Also, mental health is stigmatized as a personal issue and should be dealt with by the person themselves. In many communities, acknowledging that one may need help is deemed as a weakness.

This was probably one of the reasons why I didn't acknowledge my own feelings and the issues I was going through. It's okay to say "I need help" because that leads to healing. Logging out was just step one in the process of trying to find peace within me. There's no cure for depression or anxiety but being able to manage and get back to your everyday things is the ultimate goal.

Hopefully, this break will be a step in the right direction towards helping me snap back to my old self. I challenge others to see if social media is affecting their mental health.