I feel as though I should warn you, this may come off as a bit of a rant, a bitter one even. If at any point you prefer not to read on because you don’t agree, I completely understand. No hard feelings or judgment whatsoever. I am a social media user and worker myself, but I feel called to talk about some aspects of our digital culture that are relevant and quite frankly, scary.

Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter are the social media outlets I will be addressing in my shpeal and though my knowledge of rhetoric and marketing tell me to not determine my audience as everyone, I believe what you are about to read will apply to virtually everyone.

I’d like to begin by asking a question that I would like you to reflect on for a moment: when was the last time you saw something mediocre on social media (Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter)? By mediocre I mean something that wasn’t a happy announcement or a sad and desperate cry for attention.

While you reflect on this, I would like to say that whether we realize it or not, our digital presence is very highly curated, probably more than our physical presence. In the digital sphere, virtually anyone can see what we post – the ex we aren’t over yet, the frenemy who goes to another school, the great uncle who lives across the country. The one thing all these people have in common is they only see the version of ourselves we want to show them.

What is wrong with this, you may ask?

Well, essentially, this version of ourselves isn’t real. Sure, the places we visit and the people we see are real, but I highly doubt our social media self is the same self as the person who is sitting here reading this article.

I completely recognize that given the competitiveness of higher education, job searches, and social media presence in general, it is critical to have a curated digital identity, especially for those of us whose profession revolves around the possibilities and success of the internet.

However, it is the fine line between professional curation and the loss of touch with reality as a result to obsession with social media presence that has me worried.

While there are no rules stating our digital identity must be curated, must be our best, or that it must be real, these are widely held beliefs whether we realize it or not.

No one wants to see mediocre on social media. Mediocre doesn’t get likes. Hot, adventurous, dramatic, hilarious, and tragic get likes.

Some may say it isn’t about the likes and really, it shouldn’t be. The problem is, no matter how many times you say that, it won’t become true. All of social media (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter) is not for likes, but we do post things expecting at least someone will like or acknowledge what we’ve posted.

In a time where images are edited, thoughts are reread and rewritten to perfection, and media is something nearly everyone is expected to have (I apologize for not acknowledging the digital divide and intersectionality, that’s for another time), likes, whether Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter, have the tendency to govern our self-worth.

I will admit it, I am a victim of stalking myself on social media. I will also admit that every single time I upload a photo on Instagram, post something on Facebook, or tweet something on Twitter, there is always some nervousness.

Will people like my picture? Do I look fat? Am I candid enough? Will people care about what I wrote? Will they like it? Is my tweet witty enough for Twitter?

Some may note that I am too overly sensitive to the approval of social media followers, half of which I don’t even know. Others will argue about how they don’t care what people think, they post what they want when they want and whatever happens, happens.

However, I would argue that more often than not, people will agree with being social media self-conscious like I am.

Why is this, though? Am I constantly thinking about the perspective my future employers and coworkers will have of me? Do I care more about what strangers think than what I think?

Why are Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter likes so important? Why can’t reality be enough for us?

Perhaps it’s because we get more attention digitally than we ever would physically, in real life.

Perhaps it’s because in digital spaces we can make ourselves out to be someone we’ve always wanted to be in real life. Maybe we enjoy knowing that at least someone is listening to us via our computer and cell phone screens. Maybe we have the courage to do things digitally that we would otherwise never have.

No, social media is not a bad thing – it’s a fascinating, innovating, and useful thing.

What is a bad thing, though, is social media’s power over us.

Wonderful people aren’t feeling wonderful because while they scroll through Facebook, they are made to feel that their accomplishments are seemingly small in comparison to those who are winning awards, accepting prestigious job offers, and traveling to exotic places.

No, this does not mean that people shouldn’t post about what’s going on in their lives, especially if it’s awesome news worth sharing. What it means is that somewhere along the line, people started measuring their self-worth against the digital presence of another’s self-worth, which should not be the case.

Yes, comparison can be the death of confidence in digital and physical settings, but when comparing ourselves to someone’s carefully curated digital presence is more natural, accepted, and practiced than comparing to who people really are in real life, is when wonderful people are made to feel a lot less wonderful than they would if they were simply comparing their reality to another’s reality.

Wonderful people aren’t feeling wonderful because as they like pictures on Instagram, they see the bodies of people they wish they had, they compare their latest photos likes to those of Instagram models and their fellow Instagram users.

We stage “candid” photos. We get ready to go out, take a picture, and crawl back into bed to disappear into a world where reality doesn’t exist and a Netflix binge does.

In about 15 minutes, we’ll open up our laptop, unlock our smartphone or click on our tablet to virtually live through the lives of others instead of being present in real life.

Wonderful people aren’t feeling wonderful because no matter how funny their dad thinks they are, they can never get more than 10 likes on Twitter. Their small feet is negated by the Total Sorority Move and Common White Girl Twitter accounts of the world.

Wonderful people don’t feel like they matter and society’s obsession with social media is to blame.

No, do not hide your beauty. Do not hide the beautiful places you’ve been blessed enough to visit. Do not hide your strong social media following.

But do realize the power of edited images. Realize that not everyone cares about what you post online and that is okay.

Do recognize that while it’s a gift to be able to keep up with people on Facebook, see beautiful things on Instagram, and follow influential people on Twitter, reality is still happening and it’s a gift, too.

Do come to the realization that reality is better than social media.

Know that you are wonderful, regardless of how many people like your pictures.