Often we hear this phrase, “When I was in high school,” or, “When I was a kid.” So I apologize because I’m about to use it, but bear with me. When I was in high school we didn’t really have social media. Myspace had just started to become popular and if you remember, on Myspace you had your "top eight friends.” I remember how stressed I would be about my top eight selection choices. There were times when I struggled to fill my "top 8" because I was fighting with my friends. On the other end of the spectrum, there were times I struggled to pick which friends made the cut for my "top eight."
Nowadays, we have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat and more, each clearly stating how many followers you have which of many people translates to “friends.” Being an avid Twitter and Instagram user, I’m always comparing the number of followers I have to others. I’ve caught myself on numerous occasions letting the number of social media followers I have dictate my day.
At some point, lines blur and I forget about my true friends. My friends that I actually hang out with, have dinner with, go to concerts with and spend time with. The people that I have true, honest, face-to-face relationships with fall to the wayside. Why? Because I tell myself that the “friends” that I have on social media fill whatever void I have. I use it and essentially fool myself into thinking that the followers I have are my friends. But they’re not. Yes, maybe some of my true friends also follow me on social media, so there is a small overlap, but for the most part I could scroll through all of my followers and probably not know most of them.
Now, is having followers a bad thing? No, not necessarily. Neither social media nor having followers are bad. Honestly, social media can be used as a positive platform and form of communication, but in terms of friendships, the word 'friend' is used incorrectly. The issue is that we use social media as a crutch. It’s a crutch of communication rather than having actual conversations and interactions.
No matter what social media you use or how many friends or followers you have, we have to remember that we need to maintain our true friendships and relationships. We cannot let ourselves give more attention and spend more time on social media than with actual people. It’s not healthy for any relationship or for you. We tend to seek affirmation from social media rather than from actual people. So what are some ways we can accomplish this and help prevent this from happening? Hopefully, these three tips can help you.
1. Don’t bookend your day with social media.
I catch myself every night checking my phone and my social media apps right before I go to bed. And what’s the first thing I do when I wake up? Check it again. Place your phone somewhere other than your nightstand. When it’s right by your face it’s tempting. Place it on a bookshelf or across the room on the floor and let it charge elsewhere. This will help prevent you from looking at it.
2. Delete social media apps
With the exception of Instagram, you can access most social media sites through web browsers. Having an app gives you easy access. By deleting the app, you become more aware and are more intentional when you look at social media. You’d be surprised at how much more time it takes to open a web browser and type in the site and your login compared to one touch on an app.
3. When you’re with people, put your phone down
When you’re with your friends or family, be with them. Be present. When I’m out with friends, we place our phones at one of the tables, on silent, and face down. This helps us to focus on each other and not our phones. If you really want to make it interesting, have the first person to touch their phone buy appetizers or drinks for everyone.
These are simply suggestions and I myself am still working on them. We’re not perfect, and habits take the time to break. By executing the above, I’ve had more time to appreciate my true friends and those around me.
