For as long as I can remember, social media has been present, adamantly, in my adolescent and adult life. I find myself aimlessly scrolling through my Twitter and Facebook feeds for an immeasurable amount of time throughout the day. My friends and I will pose for 100 snapshots before finding that perfect photo for Instagram. You name it, I have the app, and I am almost certainly on it. In fact, it has become such a normal part of my life that I have never thought to step back and ask myself, why? Why is any of this important to me? Why am I wasting my time creeping on someone's photos or picking the filter that best suits my selfie? I never questioned why I did these things (That is, until recently). As a personal experiment for myself, I went two weeks without logging in to social media. Although there is a significant amount of research surrounding this topic, this is my personal account of the emotions that accompanied my release from the shackle and chains of social media. As freeing and liberating as it initially felt, I started to notice the subtle, but present, withdrawal symptoms that immediately began to set in even on day one. There was a clear absence in my life that I couldn't quite pinpoint. I found myself unlocking and checking my phone incessantly, routinely, becoming almost irritable about the fact that there was no notification that popped up every time I clicked that home button. As time progressed, I learned that the new normal was to keep my phone in my backpack and that walking to class. Personally, my social media addiction stemmed from my inability to be comfortable alone with my thoughts. I had to constantly fill my mind with pointless information and entertainment just to step outside of myself, my anxiety, my depression. It was an escape, but one that was not even remotely fulfilling. It was a time filler, a "noise" maker, a responsibility shirker, and an emotion and thought avoider. It was an imaginary feeling of connectivity, something that created an illusion of constant relationships. A mirage that mimicked an escape from being "alone." What is it about the self validation (or lack thereof) that comes from the amount of likes on your selfie that makes it so addicting? Is this really a basis of which we should be viewing our self worth? Is ogling over someone else's bikini photos from vacation or seemingly-in-love relationship posts an accurate and reliable basis of which we should be comparing our own lives? Social media, as much as it seems to be a necessary connecting tool in our lives, can have some serious implications. Keep your wits about you and maintain touch with reality when feeling jealousy or any other negative emotions associated with social media addiction. The depletion of self-esteem, loss of identity, misinterpretation of others' lives, and questioning of our own based off of what our idea of a happy life "looks" like in these ways is a very real issue. As you scroll through your social media feels, please remember that an impressive social media account does not signify a an accurately portrayed successful or happy life. There is a reason that we are selective with what we post: we hope for people to perceive us in the way we intend to present ourselves. Often, this virtual self does not match reality. So put the phone down, delete the apps (if even temporarily!) and get outside to discover the life that you want to live rather than the life that you want to portray. Find hobbies that require a disconnect from the seemingly inescapable technology that engulfs us. You may not think you are addicted, but you may be surprised at the difference in your life when it comes to the elimination of it in your life. Above all, ask yourself this question: would you be living the exact same way as you are now if you weren't presenting it for others to view?
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1. Use singular they for people whose pronouns you don't know, people who use those pronouns, and stop using him/her.
One of the most common, and often cluttered, phrases I hear when people try to talk about a person whose gender is unknown is he/she, him/her, (s)he. This is not only clunky and annoying to say, but ignores the fact that not everyone uses those pronouns or identifies as a man or a woman. When you say he/she you're really forgetting part of the population and making a lot of assumptions about people you don't know. This also goes for assuming a stranger's gender -- how someone presents isn't an indication of the gender they are or the pronouns they use. By assuming, you're misgendering someone before you even know them, when it is totally easy to use them, where you are assuming nothing. Singular they has been in use for hundreds of years. Using it will declutter language and create an environment in the world that allows for transgender and non-binary people to not be misgendered.
Source: genderqueerid.com
2. Stop using the words "opposite sex" or "both sexes" or "opposite gender" or "both genders".
Not only is this language erasing of transgender people outside the binary, but it is also erasing intersex people. The idea of the opposite of gender or sex, first of all, makes no sense. There is no opposite when it comes to biology, and since there are more than two sexes and more than two genders, there can be no opposite and no both (both implies two). Replace this language with all sexes or all genders and just get rid of the idea of opposite gender or sex from your mind and vocabulary entirely.
3. Ask people's pronouns when you meet them.
In order to help create a safer environment for trans and non-binary people, asking for pronouns and educating others on why you're asking is an important step. This allows the person to give you the pronouns they want you to use and stops you from assuming their gender, misgendering them and making them uncomfortable and hurt. This is something that is good to normalize is every conversation, not just in LGBTQIA+ spaces or in spaces that you suspect trans and non-binary people might be. Trans and non-binary people are everywhere and the more common asking about pronouns becomes, the less people will be misgendered.
4. Use the word cisgender.
The word cisgender means that you identify with the gender you are assigned at birth. Basically, not transgender or non-binary. Using the word cisgender helps stop the idea that being trans or non-binary is 'abnormal' and that cisgender is the norm. It is a term that has existed for a long time. Using the term cisgender also, as the picture above says, helps to maintain that all gender experiences are valid, and all right rather than abnormal.
5. Stop saying "born a boy/girl" about a transgender or non-binary person.
I can't stress how annoying and upsetting this phrasing is and I hear it all the time by people who claim to be allies and people who are completely ignorant. No one is 'born' anything. Your gender and sex assignment are things that are given to you when you are born. This also is essentially outing trans and non-binary people to people who they don't know, misgenders them, and continues to hold up cis-sexist and transphobic ideas that one is born a gender and that their gender is innate and unchanging. It provides people with unnecessary and personal information about someone's genitals (since that is really what someone is saying when saying born a boy/girl). If someone is saying this, they are telling you the make up of someone's genitals, which is completely unnecessary and invasive. You don't need to mention what someone was assigned at birth.
Source: flavorwire.com
6. Stop using the term 'preferred pronouns'.
While the term is better than not asking at all, it still really isn't a good term. The word preferred implies that these pronouns are wanted, but optional when that is not the case. My pronouns and other transgender people and non-binary people's pronouns are not optional; they are absolutely required. If you want to ask for someone's pronouns just ask 'what pronouns do you use?'. The word preferred isn't needed because it isn't preferred, it's required.
Source: nytimes.com
7. Stop using a transgender or non-binary person's dead name.
The term dead name means someone's name before they changed it (if they changed it). You have no right to use or know that name. It isn't a name the person uses anymore and to use it is disrespectful and violent. Saying things like 'Before Doug was Doug he went by ____" is not okay. Not only does it out someone as transgender or non-binary, it gives someone very personal and unnecessary information. Having a dead name used is hurtful and makes me instantly not trust someone. Do not ask for someone's dead name: there is no need for you to know it; it is not their name. Before you say something like the above example, think about why you're saying it. Is that really relevant to the conversation? Why do you feel the need to share this incredibly personal information that you have no right to share? Plain and simple: don't use someone's dead name. It's disrespectful and cruel.
While this list is only a basic introduction to improving language and making spaces safer, there are plenty more ways and articles that can provide more information and education. Learning and unlearning is a process that is incredibly important to making spaces safer for trans and non-binary people.
“Destiny is for losers. It’s just a stupid excuse to wait for things to happen instead of making them happen.”
Things don’t happen out of pure coincidence. You set yourself up for everything that comes and goes from your life. Just like Blair, knowing that you have the power to control your own life and future makes you unstoppable.
“If you really want something you don’t stop for anyone or anything until you get it.”
Any strong woman knows that if she wants something she cannot rely on any other person but herself. Having a mind like Blair’s means that if there is something you want to achieve, then you will have no problem getting it on your own and without letting roadblocks get in the way.
“You can’t make people love you, but you can make them fear you.”
Love is complicated. Only we get to decide whom we love and we cannot force another person to love us if they truly do not. Having a strong head on your shoulders and being able to accept this is one thing, but knowing that you can have other influences on people makes you not only strong, but powerful.
“You need to be cool to be queen. Anne Boleyn thought only with her heart and she got her head chopped off.”
What Blair is trying to say here is that you can’t just “think” with your heart. You need to have a mind before you can let your feelings get the best of you. Being an independent woman comes with distinguishing when to use your brain and when to follow your heart.
“Once men have tasted caviar, it baffles me how they settle for catfish.”
When it comes to men, Blair has never been but brutally honest. Being a strong woman means knowing and acknowledging your worth.
“They say Rome wasn’t built in a day. And yet what a difference a day makes.”
Each day we are given a new chance to start fresh. As days build up we see changes and improvements within ourselves. As Blair suggests, each day counts.
"Ladies you can give your tiny brains a rest. Once again the world has proven that anything you can do, I can do better."
Confidence is one of Blair’s strong suits. She isn’t afraid to admit who she is, and that’s something that speaks volumes about a person. She’s as strong as she is because she can tell people who she is before they get a chance to make their own opinion of her.
Some say that Blair Waldorf can come off as a bitch. I find that to be the case with most women who assert their presence and have a strong sense of self such as Blair. Just because a woman knows what she wants and sets no limitations for herself does not mean that she’s a bitch. It means that she is a strong, beautiful, and confident individual. More women should aspire to be like Blair Waldorf. Her life lessons and traits are what sets her aside from others.
All hail the real Queen B.
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