The idea of social distancing for an extrovert is already scary enough. But now we are living it. This is our reality for the foreseeable future. I am a full on extrovert and genuinely get filled by being around people the Lord has placed in my life. When that has been taken away, you feel it all. All the loneliness, the feeling of being a burden on others if you even try to reach out, the shame of not being okay. I am going to be completely honest in this to hopefully show other extroverts and anyone struggling that you are not alone and everything you're feeling is not only valid, but that you're not alone in what you're feeling.
It is day three yet it feels like day thirty. I am currently experiencing anxiety so debilitating that it takes me hours to get out of bed in the morning. I find myself awake late into the night reliving moments in my head with the people I love, which sometimes helps me find hope that those moments can be recreated soon. But can also really hurt knowing that you once had unmeasurable joy and now you can only dream about that feeling. These late nights get hard when you're completely exhausted from the little sleep you have been getting but yet your brain is not tired of thinking about how long it has been in social distance from others. The lack of sleep is also causing you to be even more emotional, which means more tears than you would like.
As I sit here with tears literally falling on my keyboard (feels just like the movies lol) I force myself to not let these fears overtake me. I know that the Lord has His strong and faithful hand over this whole situation, and His hand has been on this way before it started. Some moments, God's truths feel really easy to hold on to. But there are still those moments where the truths feels so far away that it feels like it doesn't even apply in your own life. If we remain faithful and patient with the Lord in this time, we will look back and see the immense growth we had. The growth is hard to see in the moment when it feels like it all is just crumbling beneath your feet. But we will see more growth than we could imagine on the other side of this. We can't change details of this situation, but we can change within the situation with God's help.
The hardest thing in all of this is being away from my church family, who have become more like normal family in my life. Not getting to dig into Genesis with my small group, or worship with the kids, or serve with the teams I'm apart of has absolutely ripped my heart in half. I miss my church fam with every ounce of me but I rest in the excitement of the moment I see them all again. The moment I can walk back into my church and see the people that mean so much to me. The Lord WILL get us to that moment of undeniable and pure joy. He is anticipating that moment right alongside us. That anticipation I share with the Lord is what will carry me and all of us through this. So sit in that and let it drown out the fears. That the Lord is sitting with you RIGHT NOW and is also excited for what is to come. He wants to experience all of this with you if you let Him. If you let Him in, it will make so much of a difference.
Here are some simple truths I wanna leave you with: You are not alone in this, We will get through this, people want to help you so make that phone call when you're feeling lonely, (I wasn't going to say this with how much it has been said but I mean I just gotta say it) THIS TOO SHALL PASS, and you are loved so deeply by our Heavenly Father through all of this and beyond.
