Many readers will probably roll their eyes and think “ Seriously?? She wrote about something just like this last week!” Here’s the thing though. I’m going to keep talking about bullying and more specifically social exclusion for a long time. If I can help even just one person who is being excluded or make one person realize the repercussions of their actions, it’s worth continually writing about.
I was in and out of friend groups throughout high school. This of course made it a very rough time for me. Freshman year of high school I made the difficult decision to leave the friends I had known since middle school because I realized that they were only keeping me around because my house was always available for a hang out. They had stopped inviting me to go places with them and it was obvious that they were trying to distance themselves from me in public social situations( this would later become a trend that I began to recognize fairly quickly). I loved being with them and spending time with them but, the relationship I had with them started to become unhealthy. I wanted them more than they wanted me.
I wanted them more than they wanted me.
It eventually became a one way street. I tried and tried to get back into this little clique they had formed but no matter what I did, I was excluded. Finally, in mid January, I came to terms with what I had to do. I sent a text telling them that I hated the way I was being treated and that I was done. Within 5 minutes, just like that, I was friendless, or at least it felt that way. The next morning I tried to walk out that door to go to school, but I couldn't do it.
The thoughts ran through my head like a freight train, “ Who will I sit with in the morning? Who will I sit with at lunch?” I was literally consumed with the thought of sitting there by myself. Of course I eventually went back to school and sat with a different group in the mornings before class. I never ate lunch with other students. I would eat in classrooms. Teachers became my closest allies.
I had high hopes for Sophomore year, but again, I didn’t have many friends, and when I got them my relationship was very unstable. I was hypersensitive about being included in the group plans. When I wasn’t, I resolved that I would call them out on it so that what had happened to me before would not happen again. However, this particular group made me think that I was crazy. They would tell me that not all of them were there, or that I said I was busy (even though I usually didn’t) or the one I heard the most, that not everyone had to be invited everywhere. That one always hurt me the deepest.
Junior was the same stuff with the same people. The friendship was weak and I spent a lot of time waiting for the shoe to drop. Once we hit the summer between Junior and Senior year the texts stop coming and I slowly stopped seeing Snapchat stories. I realized what was happening. I recognized the all too familiar signs. I was being excluded yet again. I knew how to handle it because by this time, sadly, I was a pro. I tried to confront them, but that didn't work. They ended up making me seem crazy yet again. Then about a couple weeks before my birthday (early August) I got a text from a guy from that group of friends, It said "Hey can you come over? I'm with **** and ******** we want to talk to you" I went over, then they apologized to me. Like the sucker I am, I let them back into my life.
Senior year was a rough one because this was supposed to be my big year. I was going be the best person I could be. The group expanded right before the school year. I had planned to do something for our school’s spirit day with them. This is a day that kids in my high school wait for for 4 years. It’s one of the biggest days of your high school career. Suddenly they weren't telling me anything they had planned. I was completely excluded and cut out. The night before spirit day is super important. Friends usually sleep over at one person’s house, get ready together in the morning and show up to school as a group.
Once I realized that the girls did not include me in those plans, I cut ties with all the girls and only spent time with the guys. That lasted for about a month. Halloween is another important time and I was nervous that the guys would exclude me as the girls had. They promised me that they wouldn’t do that and that I would be invited to hang out with them that night. I sat in my costume like a loser waiting for the text that said they were on the way. They never sent it because they were too busy with the girls who thought I was “ annoying”. I spent the night crying and asking myself why. That was when I gave up.
Shortly after that disaster, I found a group of girls who let me in. I was comfortable with them. No, they weren’t my best friends, but they were there for me for the rest of senior year and I appreciated that.
The point of this article is for people to realize that social bullying is a real thing and excluding people leads to a lot more than they think. I also want any parents reading this to talk to their kids and make sure they understand what is going on. One of my past friends mom still comments on my mother’s posts about social bullying not realizing her son was one of my bullies, he became a bystander and let his friends exclude me, even when he knew it was wrong. I’m not saying that the mom is a bad mom, she is just misinformed about what her son actually does to people.
I want to end this by thanking my support system back at home and my one here at college. I wouldn't be as happy as I am today If I didn't have so many people who cared in my life.
The Bullying help hotline is 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
