Social anxiety - a slam poem:

I'm in an abusive relationship and his name is Ted
No that's not his real name, I won't reveal that until the end.

I've known him since I was a kid when I went to a new school in a new state
Ted was the only kid who would want to play
Ted followed me every where and I mean what I say when I say he was with me every second of every day

One day I told Ted, I told him I want more friends
"I want to have a birthday party and see not just you attend"

I want to go out and socialize and be that butterfly people always talk about but when they talk about me they just refer to me as this unblossomed sprout

Ted looks me in the eye and says Ted says no matter how hard I try I'll never have any friends.

I don't think he took it very well
I can feel my heart start to swell
It swells and it swells
Please Ted do something get me out of this hell

You're fat and you're ugly and your clothes are out of style
no one will ever like you looking so vile

Tears were rolling down my face I begged Ted to stop and end this terrible game
I'm sorry I put you in such a place
such a place filled with fear and agony that I was going away

I promised that I would never leave never leave him all alone
I never broke that promise because together we've grown

I'm about to go to college
to get a brand new start a brand new start with brand new people
This will surely break Ted's heart.

I broke the news to Ted, tears Rolling down my face.
But Ted remained calm and stayed in one place
one place he was staying he'll never leave my side
and I can try and I can try but he'll always be in my life

"Besides" Ted said "they wouldn't like you anyways, they might pretend at first so you won't feel worse
feel worse about yourself
but in the end you'll always be by yourself"

"Things are different" I cried "I just need that chance
That chance to prove I can instead of I can't that chance to make friends to make Friends who will like me for me,
But in order for that to happen there can't be a we"

Ted gave me that chance
That chance to prove him wrong.
But his words kept lingering and lingering like a really annoying song

I tried hard to make friends
to make friends until the end
but in the end the constant paranoia just wouldn't surrend
So I ran back to Ted and I said that I would never leave my only friend again

I find myself in my dorm room tears rolling down my face
Down my face as I realized I'm stuck in the very same place.
Every one is down stairs and having fun
"I want to join them" I thought "I don't want to run...anymore..."

I'm stuck in the same cycle in this repeating dynasty a dynasty with an abuser named social anxiety.