I've been known to have a few "anti-American" opinions. I think we single handedly f*cked up a lot of third world countries. I don't think socialism will destroy our nation. I think we should use the metric system. However, my unpopular opinion that causes the most controversy is my distaste for our real national past time, Football.

When I tell people this, I'm usually shunned. "Oh you hate America?" they say with disgust. "Oh, you wipe your a** with the constitution?" they accuse bitterly. "Why don't you move to Russia you f*cking communist!" they yell fervently.

I don't hate this great country. I use Charmin Sensitive with soothing lotion to wipe my butt, and I think Russia's a terrible place to live. I just don't like football.

Instead, I prefer a much more elegant game. I am, of course, talking about soccer (and it's called soccer, the rest of the world be damned).

I prefer soccer for three main reasons.

First, soccer is much more entertaining to watch than football. "Blasphemy!", I can hear football fans scream from behind their laptops as they watch endless preseason analyses on Sportscenter. But think about it objectively, it totally is.

According to a study performed by the Wall Street Journal, there are only 11 minutes of actual action in a football game. An hour is devoted to commercials, and 75 minutes are shots of players in a huddle, d*cking around, or standing on the line of scrimmage.

On the other hand, a study conducted in 2011 by soccerbythenumbers.com revealed a game of soccer typically contains 60 minutes of action and 20 minutes of commercials.

"But they just kick the ball back and forth half the time!", critics may say. But would you rather watch three minutes of Thiago Silva preparing an attack from backfield, or watch Cam Newton scratch his balls for a minute after throwing an incomplete pass?

The second reason I prefer the beautiful game is because the rivalries in soccer actually have meaning and real history behind them. While football rivalries are typically spawned from the teams playing each other a lot.

For example, the Bears and Packers rivalry is the oldest and longest rivalry in the NFL. The only reason it's a rivalry is because both teams had a history of success and played each other 190 times.

Contrast that with El Classico, the name for the rivalry between Spanish soccer giants Real Madrid and FC Barcelona. The Classic spawned from the idea that Real Madrid represented Spanish nationalist identity while Barcelona represented Catalan, a sub culture of Spain, identity. The rivalry intensified during the Spanish Civil War when each team became a way for people to show which side they supported in the war, without risking their lives in the fighting.

Now a days the rivalry has been reduced to Ronaldo vs. Messi, but it's still one of the most widely viewed sporting events in the world.

The final major reason soccer is a better game than football is because soccer has the World Cup.

Soccer is a sport played by the entire free world (and some parts of the "not free" world). As such, when the World Cup comes around every four years, it provides 209 nations with the opportunity to show their dominance in a non-violent way.

The World Cup also unites the country. Think about it, when Clint Dempsey was busy scoring goals with his d*ck and Tim Howard was setting a record for most saves in a World Cup game, were politicians b*tching about gay marriage and abortion? Probably, but no one cared. We were all too busy cheering on our national team and screaming F*CK BELGIUM.

So yes, I think soccer is more entertaining to watch, has better rivalries, and is superior to football on a global scale. Does that mean I think no one should watch gridiron? Hell no, this is America, we have freedom. Do what you want.