The now. The right here. The today. The present. This place, spot, season I'm trying to live in. Not the past, not the future, not the "what if," but the NOW. For everything that it is and perhaps even everything that it is not. A combination of influences have set in motion a desire to look for the abundance in my life... the good ... the rich ... the deeply beautiful, blessed things that are true gifts when I'm willing to see them. Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts, combined with some dreams and desires the Lord has stirred up in me, combined with the incredible beauty of this sun-stretch of weather we've had lately, have been instruments used in awakening a piece of my soul that is tuned into the abundance. The abundance of the now.
Early in the morning, on the days I choose to get out of bed before my family and my dog, I go out to the living room and curl up on the couch with a cup of coffee. And the light pours in. Floods. Glows. As if it had been waiting ... like a child asking for permission and finally being told, "YES. Yes." Light. Air. Day. In the summertime, the sprinklers water the lawn before the heat threatens to scorch it. I have a weird obsession with sprinklers - the sights, the sounds, the knowing that it's making my lawn green. Something is getting done. Something is being fed, given life. Even the lawn needs to be "nourished." Me too.
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Eating breakfast alone while the house is still quiet isn't lonely, but rather a luxury. Like I'm stealing time before a busy day to just be. To fill. To eat. Something I often "forget," or don't prioritize on my busier days . . . truly a terrible habit. I'm trying to daily remind my body that it NEEDS nourishment. Spiritually, from God's Word. And physically, from food. Eating whole, good foods. Less sugar, less refined carbs. More fruit, more vegetables, more water with lemon + mint. Making lunch happens. Eating dinner when it's time. Eating a good breakfast. Going on walks... long walks. Time to breathe, time for Michael and I to connect and catch up. Time to just sit on the floor and play with my baby girl. The daily. The soul-care.
But what about the places where the abundance is harder to "see"? Our weekly, sometimes daily conversations about our financial goals... the slow pace... the doing it right, the "Dave Ramsey way" The discipline. The choosing. The knowing and remembering and believing that God has blessed us, providing EVERYTHING we need and more. And we are constantly trying to figure out how to make wise choices with our finances that we know will affect our future. Sometimes I wish we had endless dollars to remodel our house and buy lots of new clothes and go on fancy vacations. But that's not our reality right now. We are not rich. .and yet we are. We have an abundance. A good, full, fun, incredible life and we can recognize God's gifts and provision at every turn. The walks we take in the mornings or evenings, both free of cost and priceless in value. . .in a neighborhood we love; with charm and trees and the park and the just-right-length of walking loop that makes us sweat just a little but not too much - that's our abundance. Our daily gift, should we choose to unwrap and receive it.
So many big and small worries about the future can creep in and threaten to rob me of my ability to just relish all that God has for me right now. But I can re-trace my steps and see God's hand of provision throughout my ENTIRE life; seeing and remembering that He has always provided me with everything I need. I trust Him. I trust Him. I do.
But the biggest surplus, the biggest abundance, the most endless blessing, is knowing and loving Jesus. Lately, this old hymn has just been flooding through my mind and heart, cyclically, repeatedly.
Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus. Just to take Him at His Word. Just to rest upon His promise. Just to know, 'Thus saith the Lord. Jesus, Jesus how I trust him. How I've proved him o'er and o'er. Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus. Oh, for grace to trust him more.'
Oh it's so sweet. To walk with Jesus. To have walked with Jesus since I was a little girl. I love Him. I have resolved to follow Him for the rest of my life. The sweetness that comes from choosing to recognize His faithfulness to me, to me, for the past 28 years nearly brings tears to my eyes. That he sees me; created dreams for me to walk in before I was even capable of imagining an idea; cherishes and prizes me not because I'm worthy but because I'm HIS. His goodness. His protection. His calling on my life. His blessing. His leading. His faithfulness. His power to transform. I can barely stand to think about how much more deeply I might love and know Him when I'm 50... 60...70...80. To know and walk with Jesus for a lifetime. Oh, the abundant life. It is real and worth it.
