When I was little, I used to be so excited to turn 20; to me, being in your 20's symbolized adulthood. The only idea I had in my head about what life would be like in your 20’s were things I’d seen on television. Plus, I had 3 brothers in their 20’s and they were doing pretty great for themselves.They went into the military, had traveled the world, had cars, jobs, and families. I was young and naïve back then; I expected my 20’s to be this era of enlightenment. I thought everything would just come naturally; I’d finish college, I’d be buying a house, I’d have a real job, and I’d be starting a family.
Now that I am literally days away from being 26, I seriously want to find every single person who made me believe that my 20’s would be this beautiful, perfect experience and punch them in the face.
I’m at the odd stage of being in your 20’s…that stage where you’re one step closer to 30 (the correct term for this phase is called ‘late 20’s’). Of course, people who are already 30 will tell you that approaching 30 isn’t so bad. But in reality, the concept of approaching and or turning 30 is scary as hell. I’m just at the point where I’m starting to feel like I’m even half of an adult, because contrary to popular belief, it takes more than just being a certain age to be a grown up.
Still, with the ebb and flow of being in my 20’s, I have grown up so much, more than just physically (because I’ve realized I’m done growing height wise and will never be six feet tall). I’ve learned that the process you go through in your 20’s is deeper than physical; it's mental, it’s spiritual, it’s emotional. In your 20’s, you’re just starting to find yourself, you begin this coming of age process where things you didn’t think about in your teens or even your early 20’s like health care and taxes are very real and very scary things.
So, here are just a few things I’ve learned during my 20’s so far.
On Adulting:
Life is not a cake walk, a box of chocolates, or any of that other bullshit that you see on television or in movies. I’ll be the first to admit it; there are some people who actually live a fairy tale life and they get jobs straight out of college, they get married and have kids and you kind of envy them if your life isn’t going as great. As for those of us who don’t have the privilege of living the fairy tale life: you will sometimes have to move back home after college; you might even stay a few years longer than you had planned. You might end up being independent for a few years and then life happens and you’re forced to move back in with your parents. After graduation, you might end up working a really crappy job that’s nowhere near what you majored in.
You might not even go to college; you could go straight into the workforce, you could get married, you could even end up in the military. If you did go to college, there’s the chance that you won’t finish in four years; it might take you six, or eight or you might not finish until you’re a real adult with a family and kids, maybe even grandkids. You might start college and never finish. If you’re one of the lucky ones and actually do finish college, you will cry when you receive your first bill for student loans, which comes a whopping SIX MONTHS AFTER YOU GRADUATE. Also, paying and having bills are a pain in the ass, like big time! Who knew that eating and putting gas in your car could accumulate up so much money! Also, you have to do really boring tasks like filling out taxes every year (if you don’t you’ll owe the government and you WILL go to jail!), applying for (more) loans, getting your own health insurance (stay on your parents’ insurance as long as you can…you can stay on their HMO until you’re 26!), buying a car, buying a house, paying rent. Basically, when you become a real adult, you will wish for nap time almost every day.
On Sex, Dating, and Relationships:
This is perhaps the most complicated period of adulthood besides paying bills. My opinion on all three things has changed multiple times since I turned 20. Sure, I always knew that I wanted to get married and have kids, but then I went through this phase where I was like ‘meh, I don’t need to get married’ and I was on the fence about having kids. Now that I’m quickly approaching 30, marriage and babies are constantly on my brain. If I were financially stable and had a wonderful partner, I’d have ZERO problems popping out a kid. However, no matter how adorable my friends and relatives kids are, and no matter how wonderful my friend’s proposals, engagement rings, and weddings are, having kids right now is a no-go for me. Plus, I’m still working on world domination and becoming a political commentator for CNN!
In terms of sex and dating, you’re more comfortable and confident in your body at this point, so you’re more sure of your sexual decisions. Speaking of sexual decisions, you should be more responsible in terms of your sexual health. Sex in your 20’s can be quite fun and enjoyable, but as always, you run the risk of pregnancy and STDs/STI’s, so again-BE SAFE. We live in the age of Google so there is legit NO EXCUSE to be sexually stupid. Perhaps one of the biggest lessons you learn about sex during your 20’s is that almost everything your friends told you in your teens and early 20’s was incredibly STUPID!
Another important thing you discover in your 20’s in terms of sex is that it’s literally zero percent of what you saw in the movies. Plus, I’m pretty sure at this point we all know that none of the things shown in porn are real. Sex in your 20’s is about growing comfortable with yourself and what you want sexually from a partner. Ladies, I’m going to assume that we all know sex is more than just about a guy being pleased. There are also the more beautiful lessons you learn when discussing sex in your 20’s, like it is perfectly okay to be a virgin in your 20s. You learn about the difference between intimacy and foreplay. But don’t expect sex in your 20’s to be the end all be all…also ladies, keep in mind that a woman doesn’t reach her sexual prime until she’s in her 40’s! So waiting a little later in life to ‘do the deed’ isn’t necessarily such a bad thing…
Also, as you get further into your 20’s, you become more mature in terms of finding a partner and dating. You’ve learned that 30 is fast approaching and settling for the first cute guy who buys you a drink during happy hour isn’t always best. This is also where you start not to find one night stands to be as appealing as they were in your early 20’s. The older you get the more you start looking for someone to settle down with. It doesn’t have to be forever, but you’re definitely thinking long term by your mid 20’s. Plus, when you reach a certain age of being 20-something, your relatives get nosier and you start to get those stupid “you’re still single?” questions at the family gatherings. After you’ve been asked that question for the 30th time by your great aunt, it gets old and tired and you’ve got a sassy retort ready!
On Friendship:
By your mid 20’s you’ve learned who’s truly there for you and who isn’t. Also, you’re probably not friends with many of the people you considered to be your ‘best friends’ in high school anymore. If you do have any friends from your high school years, that number is small and they’ve shown you that they’re stable and dependable. Also, the gossip during your 20’s is far juicier! You’re more willing to let your guard down with your friends now that you’re older. Plus, nothing makes a more relaxing evening than a glass of wine (or three) with your girlfriends to vent about how much being an adult sucks. I can definitely say that this statement is true; I only have about 4 close friends from childhood; the rest I’ve acquired during my 20’s.
On Family:
By the time you go off to college, move out, etc, your relationship with your family, your parents in particular, shifts dramatically. You find yourself with a wider set of boundaries than you did when you were a kid. Also, as you grow older and possibly start to have children of your own, a LOT of the things your parents tried to warn you about were true. Also, you have to start doing very real grown up things like paying taxes and even cooking for yourself. You’re faced with the beautiful gift of not having to listen to everything your parents say. At this point, you are an adult, your parents opinion should be respected, but you don’t always have to take it. You listen, you thank them for their opinion and you decide whether their advice can be used for your situation. Sadly, you learn that your parents are no longer these invincible forces of nature you thought they were when you were a kid. You have to live with the very real reality that you could have to bury your parents someday. I can’t tell you how many friend’s, associates, and relatives I’ve had who have lost parents in their 20’s; if your parents are still around, please hug and appreciate them while you still can.
On Your Values and Opinions:
Perhaps one of the greatest things I could have done during my 20’s was to go to college. Sure, college isn’t for everyone but the idea of studying and learning things outside of what you know is the greatest gift you can ever give to yourself. As human beings, we are finite creatures who are constantly seeking more. Our minds are filled with yearning questions, we question everything and what better time to start shaping your views on issues that will now affect you, than in your 20’s. Growing up as the daughter of a minister, I didn’t think about things like abortion or whether or not the government should have a say in my reproductive rights. I didn’t think about politics because it wasn’t important. Now that I’m older, I’ve formed my own opinion about things. Because while I appreciate the foundation my parents gave me, only I live within my skin and any choices or decisions I make I have to live with them.
So now that I’m in my late 20’s I have my own opinions on things and they don’t always line up with or match my parents, but I am my own individual and I cannot live my life through my parents eyes. Perhaps one of the best quotes I’ve heard is that anytime you find something that is contrary to what you’ve known, you do one of three things: you accept it, you reject it and cling to what you’ve always known, or you come to a middle ground. It's important that you’ve formulated your own opinions by this point because by now you should be a registered voter, and you essentially hold the power to make big decisions like who runs your city, what kind of laws or granted or denied in your state and most importantly, your opinions shape the conversation for the next presidential election.
With my birthday being just days away (I’ll probably have already turned 26 by the time this piece goes live), I reflect back on my 20’s so far and I’m a far different person I was when I turned 20 and even when I turned 25 last year. My experiences and opinions are completely subjective and nuanced. No person goes through their 20’s in the exact same way, which is a good thing because it breeds for unique experiences that can be shared. While we may not all experience our 20’s the same way, we can give each other great pieces of advice for surviving certain things.
So here’s to turning 26, I can’t wait to see what this year holds!
