I have a bone to pick with you, Mr. Sparks. Let me start by saying that I admire your ability to hijack the logic of your adoring fans and fill their minds with the possibility of a romance that would give Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy a run for their money. I have no qualms about your imagination and your literary abilities, however, I think you need a reality check.
Trust me when I say you aren't the only guilty culprit of producing the "aspired" storybook romances. If you've heard of Cinderella, Sandy and Danny, or even in the modern sense #relationshipgoals, you would know that we're all guilty and obsessed with this ideal romance. But if we're being honest here, Prince Charming would be boring, changing everything I am to make it work would be exhausting, and honestly I prefer not to measure the quality of my relationship on the quantity of likes I get on digitized reality.
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In the real world, people don't ride up on trackers carrying a boombox to swoon you over and ride into the sunset. People are not as perfect as Noah and Allie kissing in the rain; It's a script, not a life choice. Not everyone waits forever or accepts every one of your flaws with optimum understanding and countless smiles. Not everyone's relationship is on fire with passion (minus the heated arguments that tend to come with passion).
In reality, people fight and they scream. People cry and walk away without even a second thought. In the real world, you don't always get a call back when you hang up or forgiveness every time you screw up because it is impossible to always do the right things. Flowers, extravagant gifts, and lengthy letters don't smooth over the wrinkled edges of a torn relationship. And sometimes forever can fit on a single page of a calendar.
In every relationship, the honeymoon phase will eventually burn out and you're faced with witnessing your partner in the raw. No, I am not referring to a lack of clothing. I am simply saying that when you truly get to know someone you see them at their worst. You see them when they're tired or sick, angry or needy, and when their personality traits cross the line between cute and annoying. This is the moment when you become nitpicky about your partner's habits, and question if you're settling or too comfortable to leave. As sad as this sounds, this is the time when you realize what real romance is.
Romance is not what the Notebook taught us. We've been scammed by glorious love stories and hallmark cards, that romance can be reflected through flowers, candy, chocolates, romantic notes, and big gestures. And that's our biggest mistake.
None of those things are really what romance is. I'm not ever going to suggest that these "grand gestures" aren't important and wonderful and that you shouldn't want them because it would be a lie to say I don't enjoy receiving flowers on a rainy day. However, if you begin to grade your relationship on the amount of things you're getting or how great you look on social media, then your relationship is bound to end in Shakespearean style. And if these "praised" acts of "romance" are the things you define your relationship by, then chances are, you're falling into your own real life showmance, worse than the Bachelorette.
Before I sound cynical, I would like to state that I do believe in finding someone who compliments you in the best way possible. Someone who just fills in all the pieces that you're missing. Someone who you really can see the pages preceding "the end." You will most likely fight every now and then, they won't always clean their dirty dish, be on time, or overwhelm you with outstanding gestures. However, if this person takes the time to listen when you're upset, cares about your personal goals and those within the relationship, makes you laugh at least once a day, helps to assist you on your way to becoming the person you want to be, challenges you, and misses you when you're gone, then you're already way ahead and beyond anything a romantic novelist could fathom.
So, to you Mr. sparks, my relationship isn't always "perfect" enough to be a box office classic, but I don't think I would want it to be. Because pure, genuine, and just plain human relationships last longer and provide greater happiness than a two-hour chick flick.
