((**I would like to preface this article by saying that not everything works for everyone, so this is by no means the end all be all of how to get over a failed relationship.**))
If you’re reading this, odds are you’ve had your heart broken. Honestly, a lot of things can break a person’s heart; a failed romantic endeavor, a deceased relative, the fact that there are children dying of hunger all around the world, the possibilities are endless. This survival guide is going to focus mainly on the heartbreak that lives in failed romantic endeavors and friendships. So grab your Ben & Jerry’s, a box of tissues and your favorite love song. I promise you we will get through this together.
Don’t be afraid to cry. I went through most of my life thinking that showing emotion was a sign of weakness. As I have matured I’ve come to realize that not only was I wrong, but it was also very silly of me to think that. Showing emotion is expressing your depth as a human being. It takes power, strength and courage to be vulnerable. When it comes to an ended relationship with a significant other, there will most likely be tears. THAT. IS. PERFECTLY. OKAY. Please cry. Not only will you feel better afterwards, you will have also detoxed your system, both of the person and of the actual toxins that live in every human body.
Remember, that person was not the only person in your life. I have had a few very close friendships that have ended for various reasons, mainly the fact that we had just grown apart as we grew up. My heart was immensely sad for an extended period of time because of the hole I felt in my life without those friendships. What worked for me in those situations was surrounding myself with the people who love and care about me. There is nothing better than having your best friend on speed dial for these situations. Many times in high school I would get a call from my best friend and be at her house 15 minutes later, and vice versa. I can think of a very specific time when I found out the boy I had it bad for in the tenth grade liked one of my friends; my best friend went to youth group with me and together we sat in a field and I cried. She didn’t even have to talk, just her presence was comforting.
Hugs are life giving. Like I said at the beginning, not everyone is going to relate to everything about this article because we are all unique, which is what makes being a human exciting. I personally thrive off of hugs. There have been many times when I have been alone for an extended number of days and have noticed my mood change because no one has hugged me. Science. When I have had my heart stepped on by a thoughtless human being, hugs have been my lifeblood to an even higher extent than normal. I honestly just want to sit and be held by someone who cares about me. The feeling of someone’s arms around you is comforting; you feel protected and cared for. Hug the people you care about today (unless they really don’t being touched, in which case maybe don’t hug them. Write them a little note instead)!
Take care of yourself. When you are sad, when someone has broken your heart, I have found that it is extremely easy to fall into a routine of neglect when it comes to taking care of your mind, body, heart and soul. Eat good food, exercise (remember endorphins come from exercising and they make you happy), spend time with the people you love, treat yourself, the list could go on forever. Certainly, a little Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and maybe some potato chips are okay, but don’t fall into a pattern of only that. You want to be your best self even after you’ve been hurt and the only way to successfully do that is to respect yourself and your body by being nice to it. Give yourself the respect that every human being deserves just because they’re a person.
Don’t feel like you have to “get back out there” right away. I know so many people who have gone from having a very serious significant other to having no relationship with that person at all. Almost every one of them has felt the need to immediately “get back on the horse” or “find a rebound,” as the kids are saying these days. That isn’t healthy. I understand you might want a palate cleanse but, please, for the love of all that’s right and good in the world, give yourself some time. One of the smartest things anyone has ever said to me was “these things take time.” You won’t feel better right away and the pressure of “getting back out there” won’t help you feel better any faster. Take time and take care of yourself.
It will not be fun seeing the person who broke your heart, but they are a person too. They have a heart that beats just like you. Even though they hurt you they deserve the polite respect that is warranted for any human being with a beating heart. Don’t try to ruin their life, that won’t help you feel any better. If anything, be the bigger person and smile at them when you pass them in the hall, say hello if you’re on the same elevator. I’m not saying that you should actively try to be best friends with a person who ripped your heart out of your chest and squished all of the life juices out of it, in fact don’t do that, it’s not good for you. I am saying that if you show the person that you still respect them as a human being it will do much better things for you than trying to destroy their happiness.
I feel like there are probably so many more things I could talk about here, but this is already really long and I know I have the attention span of a fruit fly; I'm going for short and sweet here. Helping people makes my heart happy, so I hope you will be able to extract some encouragement and/or sage advice from this little collection of words.
Peace!
KMC
