Feminism is the new "To Be or Not To Be." Left and right, we see everyone from female celebrities to young girls claiming one side or the other. On a personal level, I see why it's such a huge dilemma, especially for a young person. First, you believe in gender equality and oppose sexism. But at the same time, you don't want to be associated with the radical feminist stereotype. On top of that, you can never find a clear definition of what feminism is.

I identify as a feminist. And here's why:

Not That Kind of Girl (1994-2002)

I always had a weird relationship with girls my age. When I was five or six, on the playground, I tried to figure out why I felt like I didn't fit in with them. I looked across the field and saw a group of girls from my class standing together and talking. For a little bit, I thought I figured it out. I went home and told my mother that I could never play with the other girls because they all had blue winter coats and I had a pink one.

From then on, I wanted nothing to do with them.

Anti-Feminism (2003-2013)

I used to hate women, even though I was one. I opposed everything feminine and girly in every area of my life. I only read books written by men, I only listened to bands with male singers, and I refused to watch "chick flicks." When I was looking at colleges I really wanted to go to film school, but thought that I could never be successful because I was a woman.

What I take away from this period (which is really a majority of my life) is that I had my own issues. I was afraid of being a girl because girls were seen as "mean and horrible and stupid." I wanted to be seen as smart and successful, but the only people in my world who were smart and successful were men. So I tried to distance myself from being a girl by lashing out and hating them.

The Incident (2013)

It happened in a social studies class during my senior year of high school. At that point, I was weirdly on my way to a women's college and was realizing that my woman-hating days were almost over. But one day, my teacher played a feature on Sheryl Sandberg and her bestseller "Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead." The book is essentially about how women in the work force should "lean in," and not be afraid to be ambitious. For me, that idea was inspiring. I wanted to be a filmmaker and, in order to do that, I had to lean in and push for the success I wanted.

The teacher stopped the clip and asked us what we felt about it. I expected my classmates to be as inspired as I was, especially because it was a classroom of over twenty girls and two boys. Instead, my teacher said that it was not realistic. He said that biologically women were better caregivers than bosses. He said some other things along the lines of men being innate leaders, and finished it off with something else about how women were "biologically" evolved to be mothers, and shouldn't be pushed to be something they're not.

I lost it. My heart was racing throughout his entire speech, and when I finally raised my hand and spoke, he said that I didn't understand what he was saying and told me that I was wrong for thinking women should be encouraged. I cried in the middle of class, because he was essentially saying that women like me were not meant to be encouraged. But I didn't know how to argue with him, because I honestly didn't understand the sociology and sexism surrounding the mom versus CEO debacle. So I kept my mouth shut and graduated, so I could go to Smith College.

The Radical Year (2014)

College changes people, and nothing changed me more than going to a women's college. I went in afraid of feminism, and by the time I came home for winter break, I was a radical feminist myself. I dove head-first into it all, and all of a sudden, I was the obnoxious holier-than-thou-man-hating feminist I feared I would become. And honestly, it was okay and totally necessary for me. I needed that time to make up for the first 18 years of my life. I needed to have my eyes opened to become more aware of the world around me and of myself.

But, for me, it's hard to be a radical feminist. It's especially hard to come home to my Irish Catholic family with such abrasive opinions on everything. So I had to find a happy medium.

Now (2015)

Now, I try to focus on learning. During my radical feminist days, I thought I knew everything, which I obviously don't and never will. This past year, I studied everything from disability to race to gender, but I still feel incredibly insecure when it comes to a majority of feminist issues. But by going through this process, I recognize that the "perfect feminist" doesn't exist. All I can do is keep an open mind.

* * *

It's sort of cool now-a-days to be a feminist and laugh at women who don't identify as one. But really, a huge reason why people don't choose feminism is because they don't know what it means to them on a personal level. And the path to becoming a feminist is realizing that it's not a choice, but a journey to understanding how we can undo oppression and better our society.

My story isn't universal. But what happened to me happens to everyone: I discovered my own idea of feminism. So please stop worrying about who is and isn't a feminist. We all figure it out, eventually. Until then, respect each other's individual journey. Because, to me, that's what feminism is all about.