I used to think there was just fat and skinny.

As it turns out, when guys are hanging out with their buddies, being jerks, drinking beers, eating wings and talking about girls, there's a very specific grading system. It's not just about looks. There's a whole list of criteria to be discussed.

Remember in middle school when girls all called each other "sluts" as the number one insult? It turns out they were very, very wrong.

I was recently informed that I am considered a "hoe." A "hoe" being defined as someone who acts like she wants the D but won't actually put out. Now, in fairness, the most legitimate flirting I actually do is greet every boy, "Hey, handsome!" Just because I want to boost your self-esteem a little does not mean I want to sleep with you, so please relax. But I digress.

As my conversations with my guy friends have entered that dangerous territory, the unknown abyss of "what men actually think about women," I have picked up on some of the lingo. There is apparently a huge difference between a hoe, a slut, and a whore. There are also "slam pigs" and "nice girls" who kind of fall outside of the spectrum.

The following definitions come from real, bona fide men who must know everything about feminine sexuality. I'm sure this dictionary wasn't created by people with bruised egos when the pretty girl at the bar didn't react kindly to, "damn b*tch, nice ass."

A hoe is the most mild--basically a meaner name for a flirt or a tease. This, from what I've gathered, is what boys call you when you shut them down. It can't be that we just aren't interested, it has to be a character flaw.

A slut acts like she wants the D, and then she actually gets it. But not too much. She has boundaries and limits and possibly even standards.

A whore means business. All the guys can sit and tell stories about their own personal experiences with this one.

At least these three are all considered pretty. On the other hand, a "slam pig" might be used to refer to someone the guys find less than attractive, but will still sleep with her. Everyone sleeps with her anyways.

As women, we need to stop allowing ourselves to be defined by our sexuality. How come if a below average guy means business and has hooked up with more girls than he can count, he is "the man," but for women it's an insult or something to be shamed for?

Who cares where you fall on this made-up spectrum?

It's degrading. It's offensive. We need to stop letting ourselves fall under these labels. Consent is sexy--no means no, and yes means yes, and your sex life is your business and all the boys who want to make judgments on it are actually not invited to do that.

Special thanks to the friends of all the jerks I've ever dated for allowing me to eavesdrop on "guy talk."