Whore, hoe, slut, easy, tramp, loose, cheap.
How did you feel reading those words? Did you think of someone you know? Did it spark a memory in your mind of a time that you were called one of those slurs?
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I know I felt uncomfortable writing them because I'm downright angered by the degradation of women.
If you type the term slut shaming into Google, this is the definition that will appear:
Slut shaming is the act of criticising a woman for her real or presumed sexual activity, or for behaving in ways that someone thinks are associated with her real or presumed sexual activity.
While that is a general definition of the term that is gaining much traction within the many media sources that cover women's rights, there is so much more to it.
Slut shaming, to me, brings to mind many memories. It reminds me of fifth or sixth grade when I first heard the word slut used. A popular girl I was friends with had a boyfriend before many of the rest of us, and I overheard the other girls talking about how much of a "slut" she was for kissing him behind the gym at recess. I immediately associated sexuality and perfectly acceptable romantic actions as dirty and scandalous.
I remember in middle school when the eighth grade boys all found out about the girl who hooked up with two boys in the same friend group and ridiculed her for how much of a dirty whore she was, because no girl worth having was like her.
And most recently, I recall a few months ago when I was seeing someone new in school and a jealous girl went and told one of my girlfriends how this guy was only with me because I was "easy" and how as soon as he was done with me, he'd come running back to her.
Somehow, by some twist of fate, I feel that these little stories probably spark many similar memories in the minds of anyone reading this because of the stigmas so present in our society that surround human female sexuality. And quite honestly, I'm really sick and tired of it.
I'm sick of listening to people calling someone else degrading names for the personal sexual choices they make. If a woman chooses to wait for a while, she's prude, and if she has sex with one or more men, she's immediately branded unworthy, unlovable, dirty, and somehow less of a human. And often times, the men who pressure women into sex in the first place are the first to call women whores and sluts afterwards. Please, can somebody explain to me how that makes sense...? No? I didn't think so.
Sexuality is a huge part of life. It means different things for different people within vastly different cultures all throughout the world. However, I in no way believe it is any longer acceptable in this era, nor within any proceeding era, for the slut shaming that has pervaded our culture for so long to continue. It is damaging to so many women, often to the point that therapy is required. Many women who choose to wait until marriage report guilt and spontaneously bursting into tears because they were raised in a family that taught their daughters that having an intact hymen somehow made them more worthy to men and in the eyes of God. That "purity" is somehow taken from them by engaging in relations that are completely natural.
And on the contrary, women who choose to have multiple partners are often too afraid to disclose how many partners they've had, even with their significant others, for fear of rejection and judgement.
Where are we supposed to draw this line between good and bad? How can we be expected to lead healthy lives with healthy sexual development mentally, physically and spiritually if we are too busy shaming each other and bashing the very personal choices of our friends, families, neighbors, coworkers, and peers? None of these questions have a viable answer other than that we must change our societal attitudes towards female sexuality.
We must educate our children and ourselves on the ever important aspects of human sexuality in general, and we need to be teaching our youth that making out with a boy does not make you "dirty."
The stigma needs to end, and it ends with you if you so choose to join the fight.
