I'm constantly haunted by flashbacks to fifth grade when my guidance counselor forced me to take one of those stupid, online career assessments. I spent what seemed like hours sitting in front of a blue, plastic Apple computer, audibly clicking through self-searching multiple-choice questions. Finally, the moment was here. I was going to find out what I was going to do with the rest of my life. I was excited to discover what sorts of glamorous career paths I could follow - maybe a doctor? A lawyer? A television personality? I nonchalantly clicked the submit button, and my jaw dropped in terror as "midwife" scrolled across the screen in huge, pixelated font. Ugh.

Nothing against midwives, but it wasn't exactly my ideal professional goal. So, I worked my butt off nonstop for 11 years straight, with visions of newborn alien-looking babies chasing me into the future. Now, here I am, class of 2016. I'm ready to graduate college and enter the ominous adult universe.

If you're like me, you probably have some sort of senior seminar-type class that is supposed to help you transition into the real world. That's all well and good, but here are a few things about adulthood that your professor probably won't tell you. Before we begin, however, let me just preface this advice with the fact that I am definitely not an adult yet and these are just the things that I assume are going to play huge roles in the process of becoming a grown-up:

1. Invest in a cool travel mug.

I think part of being an adult is having a cool travel mug that really reflects your personality. Adults love coffee, right? You definitely need a way to transport it in style. If you're not sure what sort of travel mug to get, just look for one that matches your super cool messenger bag, brief case or oversized (and probably empty) adult purse.

2. Own more than one set of sheets.

Once you're an adult and have your own super-cool adult apartment (with a nice view of a brick wall and an abandoned factory) you're going to have to start changing your sheets more than once a semester. You're probably going to want to invest in a second set.

3. Own a bed.

On that note, in order to change your sheets, you need to invest in a bed. I'm talking a real bed, not just a mattress on the floor.

4. Care about your friends' babies.

Obviously you don't need to worry about your own babies (unless that's your thing?) but we all have those friends that decide to settle down with their high school sweethearts and have kids. Weird, I know. In any case, you still have to at least pretend to care about their offspring. Maybe pet it every once in a while or buy it a few onesies.

5. Start clipping coupons.

Now that you're an adult with a real bed and two sets of Walmart sheets, you probably can't afford anything else. Start saving those coupons that print out at the grocery store after your receipt, or the ones that you find in the newspaper (which you should now be reading).

6. Shower every day.

I assume this goes unsaid for some people. Either way, adulthood means that you should start bathing regularly, and not just before pitcher night and on the weekends. It's rough, I know, but I have faith in you. You'll have to master the art of the 7-minute shower - especially now that you have to pay your own water bill. Practice makes perfect. Pro tip: if you decide to shower before work, you need to allow enough time to dry your hair. Ugh, I know.

7. Stop calling your father, "daddy."

This one might be tough for some of you, but nothing is weirder than a grown woman in a pantsuit, waiting in line at Starbucks and whining to Daddy on the phone. Maybe it's just me. Sure, you have a few years to grow out of this habit, but why not start now?

8. Invest in shapewear.

This one is mostly for the ladies. Guys, I don't suggest going out and purchasing your own pair. Pantyhose and Spanx are all the rage in the adult world, for some reason. I don't think anyone actually needs shapewear, but everyone buys it. Why do I need another skin-colored layer of skin over my legs? Why do I need to suck everything in under my pantsuit? Adulthood is so frustrating.

9. Get a library card.

Now that you're not in school, you may not have access to a library. Since adults love reading steamy romance novels and/or self-help books, this could prove to be a problem. Sure, you might have to dodge screaming kids as you pass through the children's section, but it will be worth it. Besides, you're going to look super cool and educated at whatever adult bar you decide to frequent when you try to pull out your new, sideways license and accidentally drop your library card at the bouncer's feet. That's right, I'm literate. *Hairflip*

10. Learn to keep domestic plants alive.

Plants are a staple in every adult home. Fake flowers won't cut it anymore. Even if the only thing in your new apartment is your new bed, two sets of sheets and a fern, plants are a necessity. You'll have to water them every day. It's like having a boyfriend or a child, but it won't talk back to you. Now, when your friends talk about their babies, you won't be left out of the conversation.

11. Rename your Wi-Fi.

StonerZone420 or TwerkDungeon might have been funny in college, but when you get into the adult world, the last thing you want is to have to tell your new adult friends that your Wi-Fi password is "fergalicious69." It's a hard reality, but it's life.

12. Learn to grill things.

Adults love cook-outs, right? Maybe? I'm sure at some point in your life you're going to be expected to make a hot dog without putting it in the microwave. It's not as easy as you would think. Maybe it is. I haven't accomplished this yet.

13. Learn how to mom-dance (or dad-dance).

There comes a time where dancing like an eighth grader at Snowball isn't cool anymore. You'll have to learn how to dance while facing someone. You'll also have to learn how to dance alone. Try this:

14. Learn to tie a tie.

Boys, this one is obvious. You can't wear clip-on ties forever. Girls, you can totally impress your hot, adult dates by learning how to tie their tie. They do it in movies all the time. Building a bank of useless skills is very important as an adult.

15. Make a cocktail with more than one 'mixer.'

After you graduate, I think it stops being cool to just buy cheap, flavored rum and mix it with whatever dollar store fruit juice you can find. When in doubt, just Google it.

Well, it looks like you have your work cut out for you. While you spend your last months as a college student scrambling around, trying to make sure all your library fines are paid and your classes all count for your major, you can add this list of necessities to your mental to-do list. If you don't have a to-do list, I think you need one of those, too.