If you have been here for a minute, you are aware of my series "Slam Poetry: an Untold Beauty." This week we are going for Part 2! What is part 2? Today, I will have Neil Hilborn. Here are twenty quotes that are giving me life.
1. "I am so lucky we all lived through who we were to become who we are"
If I had found this earlier, I would have used it for my high school speech. It is so beautiful because it is true. Who I was in high school or even who I was my first year in college is nothing compared to who I am now and I am so glad that I am different. There were a few times when I was a teen that I wasn't sure I would make it and now, I am a junior in college and about to start a life I didn't know was possible. I am so blessed.
2. "I think that the genes for being an artist and mentally ill aren't just related, they are the same gene..."
BEST QUOTE! MY FAVORITE QUOTE! I could not agree more to this if I tried because ever since I was diagnosed with depression, panic disorder, and anxiety, I have found that those three influence my writing more than most things. This is because I know that beauty comes from pain and that is where I plant my flower.
3. "Make the rain sound nothing like her voice, DON'T be alone..."
I related to this quote one two levels: one, I know how it feels to know that even the sound of the rain sounds like that significant other saying your name. Two, being alone is a mortal sin when it comes to breaking up. Being around those you love is the best way to learn to love yourself again. I get a lot of my energy from being alone but when I was dealing with my break up, I knew that getting out was the best option for me, even if I hated it.
4. "They only ask how I am doing to hear me say fine"
Sometimes I find myself feeling this way for the simple fact that I have the worst fear of being a burden. I find that if I honestly tell people how I am I see that their face gets scrunched and they don't know what to do or say. I started saying that I was fine just to get to the next conversation but the truth is sometimes I am not oaky.
5. "Do not confuse one story for all stories"
SAY IT FOR THE BACK NOW! My story will never be yours and please don't assume you know my story just because you have lived through something.
6. "Ain't no party like an anxiety party because an anxiety party might kill you"
I would like to believe this isn't correct but it is truly true. Also, a little funny.
7. "This poem is called how to kill yourself without hurting anyone, don't"
I cannot find any fault in this logic. I will never say someone killing themselves is selfish but it will hurt those around you. Those you leave behind will hurt and will be crushed. If you think we will be happier without you here please know that we won't. Please call me or call the hotline: 1-800-273-8255.
8. "The morning sun has vanquished the horrible night"
Just breathe those words in.....
9. "I am concerned that if I begin taking medication, I will no longer be able to write poems"
This has always been such a big worry for me. When I started taking medication for my depression I was so worried that I would lose the motivation to write, that I would lose the love I have for spoken word. But I am so quickly learning that It is my medication that makes me remember that I have so much to write about!
10. "When you're dumb enough for long enough, you're gonna meet someone too smart to love you, and they're gonna love you anyway, and its gonna go so poorly.”
I don't believe this to be the entire truth. Sometimes love is like slipping on ice, it goes so poorly, but why do we go to ice rinks if not to have fun?
11. "This is what it's like to say goodnight and mean goodbye"
I look at this quote and I realize that this can be true in two forms: 1) Sometimes this can mean something more if you're struggling with depression and suicide. 2) Sometimes you go to bed and you have love and then the next moment you don't. I had this happen when my dad passed and it broke me in two. Please know when you use this phrase, I will be concerned, and there isn't anything you can do to change that.
12. “I have been wondering, mostly, if love and sanity are the same things. When I say I am in love I am also saying the world makes sense to me right now”
I am discovering this right now as I stand on the cuff of love, I am realizing that the world makes sense right now. I have amazing friends, the most amazing boyfriend, and a family whom of which I adore. When I think about the reasons I smile, it is because for once in my life, I am finally happy. Truly happy.
13. "God bless the shape your head leaves in my pillow; God bless your insatiable hair; God bless you, though the hour is late, for you have come to me at last.”
This is a letter to my future husband, I love you already
14. "Thank you for making all the love songs mean something again"
To my current boyfriend, this is for you.
15. "...she who made you someone who could make himself into someone, she made you want to live more than anything else, and now she makes you want to leave the world because you have seen it.”
I hope to have this affect on a man one day, but i hope he knows that I loved him first.
16. "I've seen the future, I did, and in it, I was alive"
PREACH! I. LOVE. THIS. OH MY GOOD LORD YES!
17. "Love how you hate yourself sometimes because at least there is something to hate"
Sometimes, on my best days, I forget that loving myself is important. But there is something I need to remember and so do you: food, water, and self-care are in the same category.
18. "When I'm up I don't kill myself because holy shit there is so much left to do, and when I'm down I don't kill myself because then the sadness would be over and the sadness is old paint under the new"
My sadness has become less of a diagnosis and more of a trait of me. And you know what? If the sadness is the only thing that keeps me from leaving the world, I can manage.
19. "They keep telling me seeing things that aren't actually there is called Disturbed Cognitive Functioning, I call it "having a superpower"
I AM MORE THAN JUST CARBON AND BAD TIMING! I am a legacy in the making. I am more than a diagnosis, I am Jazlyn, a depressed mess by day, but a lover of justice in the night. Please know that you are ALWAYS MORE than just a diagnosis. Cancer, depression, anything you are facing, YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE! Please know that you are God's favorite before anything else.
20. "When I say I'm crying what I mean is that I want to cry but can't"
I have a hard time putting my feelings into my life sometimes. It feels like a broken puzzle piece sometimes but I have learned two things since my life has began: 1) If you don't take time to grieve, it will take you out at the knees. 2) Feeling doesn't make you lesser, it makes you stronger because you have space on your shoulders to help the others in your life. Free up your shoulders by leaving your burdens.