SKIRTS RULE, PANTS DROOL!

I’m a pretty conservative guy when it comes to fashion. My closet is so drab, it's basically the color palette from "50 Shades of Grey," minus the raunchy bits.

So the other day, when I was asked to wear a skirt for a film, I was surprised to find that skirts are SO MUCH BETTER THAN PANTS!

It’s stupid that social norms are like, "Men shouldn't wear skirts, blah blah blah!" when men and skirts go together like peanut butter and jelly!

The history of pants as told by a disgruntled pants-wearer.

Anyone remember tunics on Romans? Those were the damn days! Back then, a guy could rock a mini skirt and still rule the world (looking at you Caesar). In the fourth century, it was considered UN-MANLY to wear pants (pants were lame), but nowadays, society doesn't like skirts on dudes.

Skirts used to be more masculine than pants. Then, the Middle Ages and the French Revolution happened (ugh, Les Mis ruined everything!) and men stopped wearing high heels, stockings and wigs (alright, Les Mis didn't ruin everything).

And then boom, pants were in and skirts were out for dudes, except in Scotland. Bless up.

Male anatomy and pants: that doesn’t even make sense!

Alright, I’m making an assumption here, but you know of the male anatomy (specifically the downstairs business). You know that it’s not super sleek down there. There are odd shapes and varying sizes. And it also gets hot, like, weirdly warm, all the time. So, why would we try and wrap all that up in a compressed fabric container for most of the day, only to release it upon arrival at home? Why not let everything hang loose and be like our Roman forefathers? Just… Ugh! I am tired of constant adjustments and swamp ass! (humidity downtown, if you can feel me).

And finally, degendering fashion.

Clothing lines are making entire collections that are not defined by gender, and that’s dope! I hope that the degendering of clothing continues, and in like, four or five years, skirts on all genders is not out of the normal, but rather a personal choice possibly based on the fact that some of us feel way too warm in pants and just want a cool under-draft. Damn!

Thanks for reading.