Skinny is not the key to happiness, plain and simple. Living without limits, from my experience, is the key to a happy and full life. Happiness cannot be found in any diet, unwanted exercise, or eating food you hate. Happiness is not fitting into a size zero jeans or an XS shirt while your mind is screaming and begging GIVE ME A BURGER.
When I was in high school, I had an eating disorder. Its name was orthorexia and it was big and scary and very mean. It told me I wasn’t skinny enough, pretty enough, or perfect enough. It told me I was dirty and undesirable. For three long years it reminded me that I was starving and compulsive, and that it was in charge; not me. I tell you this, because, when I finally got help, I came to the realization that food is a beautiful and wonderful thing.
Recommended for you
Food is not something to be afraid of. It’s not something you should write off as “good” or “bad.” Somewhere along the way this became a very popular method of categorization in our society, and I’m calling bull shit on the whole thing.
I sincerely and passionately believe in intuitive eating.
Intuitive eating is the idea that we listen to our body and eat what it craves. We listen as it tells us when we want more and when we've had enough. It's primal, and real, and honestly, it makes complete sense.
The majority of people I know have not adopted this mindset of eating. My friends and others I know will eat something they deem as "bad" and make comments about how bloated they feel and how they won't need to eat for days. They complain that they've "cheated their diet" for too long or that they won't look good in a bikini. They say they regret eating something with so many calories and they feel like they've gained x amount of pounds. They feel proud when they've skipped meals and feel terrible when they believe they've overeaten.
This makes me so incredibly sad to hear. I lived this way for three years of my life, and I can tell you, it is an absolutely horrific way to live.
We spend so much time trying to mold our bodies into something they are not meant to be. What most people don't know is our bodies have a set weight where they like to be, and they will do a lot to try to stay there.
We, as humans, have seven different forms of hunger: eye, nose, mouth, stomach, cellular, mind, and heart. The only ones that can truly be satisfied by food are cellular and stomach, but I believe all the forms call for food at one time or another. In therapy I learned that sometimes we eat not because we're hungry, but for one of the other reasons listed above. We eat because it looks good. We eat because it's social and our friends want to. We eat because something sounds so good we cannot say no.
Let me say it loud...THIS IS PERFECTLY NORMAL.
It's healthy to honor these other hungers and treat your body the way it wants to be treated.
During my eating disorder my mind was constantly clouded. I could never be in the moment because I was constantly concerned about what I would eat at my next meal and if it would fit into the calorie count of 900 calories that I allowed myself each day. I never enjoyed any family function or night out with friends because my only concern was the terrifying food that came with it. Summer barbecues made me incredibly nervous and Thanksgiving was a holiday that resulted in crying, stress, and a lot of hateful thoughts. I woke up scared every single day because I was so worried my food wouldn't be perfect for that day or I would gain an ounce of weight.
My skin was bad, my joints hurt, and I never smiled. My relationships suffered, I'd spend hours getting ready because I never looked "good enough", and I was horribly mean to my siblings. Food controlled me and there was nothing I could do about it on my own. I cried every time I went to church, not because I felt like God had abandoned me or caused this, but because I felt like I was not worthy of him.
….Life is so much different now…..
Since starting to eat this way, not only have I been happier, but so much healthier. I honor what my body wants and it has rewarded me. It has hugged and squeezed me so tightly and screamed "thank you" over and over again. I am no longer stuck in my own mind and have rediscovered my beautiful life. I feel nourished and healthy and strong in mind, body, and spirit.
I feel full, both in life and in my body. I feel God with me and know he helped me to recover, and I am so blessed for that. I am living and enjoying food the way it should be enjoyed. I eat oatmeal and smoothies and protein pancakes for breakfast because that's what I love and what my body craves. I eat turkey burgers, flatbread pizzas, salads, tacos, and ice cream because that's also what I love and crave. No food is off limits. Life is about balance in all forms, and I feel so completely balanced.
My advice from the deepest and most loving place in my heart is to stop dieting. Stop believing that you need to mold your body into something that it is not and has no desire to be. Focus rather on being healthy and taking care of yourself, and your body will take care of the rest. If you love yourself in your already perfect form, your body will love you right back. Realize that your worth doesn't come from a number on a scale. You're beauty on the inside radiates to the outside beauty, and cannot shine near as bright when your mind is so clouded and dark. Eat what you love, relax, and treat yourself well. I am, and it has made all the difference.
