June is pride month in the U.S., and as it is my first pride month being fully out, I am really loving thinking about myself and how my identity shapes who I am as a person.
I didn't really learn to love myself until I was 17. When I came out to myself, I was a crying depressed mess. Despite the fact that many of my friends were LGBT, I couldn't bring myself to accept that due to all of the internalized hate and homophobia I had for myself. Just about six months ago, I finally got it through my head that I am agender/genderfluid and not a girl. I just either don't have a gender, or it flows back and forth. It's weird, yes, but it's my life.
As an agender, bisexual person, I thought that now, it being the start of pride month, to share with you some of the reasons why I love being bisexual, because it's awesome.
1. You confuse the living hell out of people.
I can be dating a guy one month and a girl the next or another agender person like me six months later. This confuses people. Many members of the monosexual community (straight or gay/lesbian people) become confused when I can say I find the girl in the orange sundress AND the guy in the suit next to her attractive. Amazing and scary, I know.
2. Technically, you could date anybody.
Straight people are confined to just dating people of the opposite gender, and gay people the same gender. But me? I can date anybody, theoretically.
3. You really start to notice heteronormativity/sexism a lot more as you become more open with yourself.
The other day I found out that people thought I was dating one of my closer male friends. I was frustrated by this, but it took me a bit to figure out why, and that was this: no one has ever thought that about me and a female friend that I know of. I am assigned female at birth, and no one thinks to wonder if the female friend that I am rather touchy with and I are actually dating, but if my male friend and I get coffee we are suddenly engaged with a house and a dog. People also treat you differently when you're in a "queer" relationship. To me, the relationship is no different. Why must it be that way to everyone else? That being said, while this reason may come with some baggage, it's helped me open my eyes about the injustices around me.
4. There is a whole community out there, just for you.
While the lesbian and gay communities have had a bit of a history of not handling bisexual and trans* issues well, often ignoring or silencing them, the LGBTQ+ community is in and of itself a diverse and welcoming space. When Amber Heard's bisexuality is blamed as reason for her abuse, fellow members of her community rush to her aid.
5. All the people.
Alice Walker. Billie Joe Armstrong. Jean-Michel Basquiat. Kate Brown. Alan Cumming. Cara Delevingne. Angelina Jolie. Frida Kahlo. Lady Gaga. Lots of really cool people.
6. You learn to love yourself, no matter what others think of you.
The bi community has a lot of stuff against us. With some people just wrapping their heads around the fact that people can be gay, many cannot comprehend that there are people who are, in their minds, both straight and gay. This isn't true, of course; no matter who I am in a relationship with, I am always bisexual. And then, people will think all bisexual people sleep around and have lots of sex. Sure, some of us do, and there's nothing wrong with that. But we are just as likely to do that as anyone else. Bisexual women in particular are also more likely than not to experience some kind of relationship violence. In a society where the structure and many people are against you, you have to learn to love and take care of yourself. This is important. Without self-love and self-care, life can get difficult and tiresome and frustrating.
Moral of the story: being bi is amazing and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Happy pride month, everybody.
