It’s funny how time has a way of continuing to fly even when you think it’s moving too fast. Just like most people, six months ago I was in a completely different place in my life. I was in love, I still lived in Richmond Virginia, and I was working my little barista job to save money to make the dream of going back to Kenya come true. For how fast time went, I feel like my life has completely twisted upside down in the Fresh Prince Of Bel Air type way.
I knew my life was headed towards some big changes, but being the emotional procrastinator I am, I never really addressed them. I pretty much lived in denial until they actually came to fruition. I left Virginia in July 2016 knowing that it was the last time I was going to be standing in the driveway of the house I’d spent the last ten years of my life walking on. I left for East Africa knowing that my parents were in the process of moving back to small town Wisconsin, and when I did make it back stateside I was going to be calling North Carolina home-at least until I finished school. When we first moved to Virginia I hated the place. I thought I would never make friends let alone a life full of love and happiness. Turns out, I found a home and built a life I loved in Virginia. Most of my family calls the midwest home, but Virginia is definitely home to me. Whether we like to admit it or not, everyone has mad love for their hometown.
Speaking of love, that sunny morning in RVA standing in the driveway I knew there was a good chance that it was the last time I was going to see the man I had fallen in love with face to face. I was leaving the country for a long time, and I wasn’t going to be coming back to Virginia. While we held out hope, there was the underlying reality that it probably just wasn’t going to work, and we realized pretty early on that we were just dreaming. A lot happened that morning in the driveway of what is someone else’s home now, but what’s been going on in my life since that day has shaped me into a person leaving me unrecognizable to the person I was in that driveway.
I know everyone who’s been abroad has an inspirational “that experience changed my life” story, but I’ve been rocking my personal love story about my time in Kenya for over two years now, so that’s old news. What’s not old news, is the present experience I’m currently on a 20 hour flight processing. I’m astounded by the growth and learning I’ve experienced within myself during Kenya Round Two. I’m not sure I can really articulate it in a way that feels real enough, because it’s pretty damn unreal. I’ve explored the very real power of my own resilience and independence.
That being said, I’ve also learned a lot of lessons on vulnerability and loneliness. I’ve had a lot of “hell yeah, you couldn’t get more bad ass than this” moments. I’ve also had an equal amount of “alright, miss independent, you still have to watch yourself” type moments. I’ve learned that while my individuality is something that I never want to surrender to anyone or anything; I also value unconditional love and someone to lean on sometimes. That may seem like a “well duh, sister” type of thing, I often find myself trying to figure out if I want to be roll through life completely self sufficient or completely codependent. Throwing myself into complete independence has showed me that it’s okay to find a middle way between the two.
Not only have I grown closer to myself, but I’ve also grown closer to the people that matter to me. Theres something about complete distance from the people that matter to you that brings you closer to them. Whether anyone realizes it or not. It also shows you how to form meaningful relationships to the new people in your life. As I mentioned in a previous article, my Kenyan brother from another mother is nothing short of a biological and emotionally supportive sibling. He is my best friend in Kenya. and there’s no way I would’ve been able to find family on a different continent without letting myself give a little bit of my heart to the place.
When I think about this time around in Kenya I think of my first time as a crash course. The first four months I spent there two years ago showed me how to love and live there, but this time I got to use my knowledge and get the most out of it. I guess I just upgraded from my analog version of the story and brought it to the digital age. Reflecting back on the person I was in the driveway 6 months ago I’m aware that I’m still me, I’ve just learned a few cool, and sometimes difficult, lessons on myself and the world.
I’m still me, but I’m the latest version of myself. I’m proud of my own strength. As much as I’ve fallen even more deeply in love with the country of Kenya living there isn’t always easy. I’ve battled a lot of mosquitoes and come to terms with a lot of changes (I’ve also come to terms with the inevitable mosquito bites). The changes are still rolling in, but I feel like I’m a little more prepared than the person rolling out of that driveway for the last time six months ago.
