This Christmas, you will find me sitting at the kid’s table. Unlike adults, little kids don’t ask questions.

Family: “How’s school? What’s your major? Are you dating anyone? How were your grades? Do you brush your teeth twice a day?” This one is my favorite, “Have you gained some weight?”

First of all, you’re overwhelming me. Second, I understand your interest in interworking’s of my life, but please, if you love me, leave me be.

I’d love to answer your questions. I’d love to brag about my 4.0 and my extensive list of extracurricular activities while trying to juggle a blossoming new relationship. However, I’d be lying, and well, that’s just rude.

Trust me, I thought I would have it all figured out by now, too. I thought by 20 years old I would know what I wanted to do with my life. I would have a stable relationship with someone I saw a future with. I would be preparing myself to enter the real adult world in a few years and ready to embrace everything that comes with it.

Sadly, that is not the case. If anything, college has taught me I have no idea who I am or where I want to be. It has opened so many doors, while succinctly closing off so many more. In trying to choose one path, I’ve become closed off to all the other things I thought maybe I could be. It’s forced me to overthink, under plan and doubt everything I’ve ever known to be true.

Trying to juggle school responsibilities, with work responsibilities and fun? Sike, you can only be good at two. I’ve changed my major twice already in my time here at Purdue, and I can almost guarantee it’s bound to change again. I’m on every club’s mailing list, but haven’t been to any of the meetings. I’m taking classes I can not stand, to be in with people I’m not even close to. Each day is a battle of priorities, until you get to the weekend, let off some steam and start again the next week.

I don’t even need to explain college boys because frankly, I don’t understand them myself. All of these new terms for relationships or the lack there of, It’s exhausting and hard to keep up with. When I know what’s going on, I’ll be sure to update my Facebook relationship status. Until then, stay tuned.

When it comes to the weight question, I just slowly take the piece of pie and walk away.

Don’t get me wrong, I love college. Going to a Big10 school was probably one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Being on a campus so large, with so many opportunities is a blessing. It is here I have found life long friends in my cooperative house, pride in my school, and a whole realm of opportunities I didn’t even know the world had to offer. However, for those in the middle of identity crisis, it can be overwhelming.

I can only hope that at some point in my life, God decides to hang a neon sign in front of my face, showing me any sort of answer to the questions that everyone, including myself, is asking. Until then, I’ll handle my identity crisis with the most grace a clumsy college student can muster, and you’ll find me at the kid’s table this holiday season.