If you’re anything like me, you probably act like your emotions are irrelevant. You don’t want to need people. And if you’re anything like me, your feelings dictate everything from the words that do or don't come out of your mouth, to the looks you give to people you do or don't like. I often let them determine if I go out with friends or if I crawl under my covers at 9 p.m., even though I won't fall asleep until maybe 1 a.m.
To an extent, this should be okay. Our culture doesn't put enough emphasis on the fact that we all feel things that make us act out differently than we would on an average day. We like to tell people that we shouldn't let things "get to you," or we shouldn't allow feelings to "hold you back." But at what point do we tell our friends and family to sit with these emotions, to mull them over and to grow from the experience – to allow these feelings to be cultivated into a positive energy? In my experience, it's only been detrimental when I've pushed down emotions and told myself they didn't matter or I didn't need them.
Pushing emotions away can take a toll on you both mentally and physically. I went nearly two weeks with (at most) five (nonconsecutive) hours of sleep each night. I felt nauseated when it came time to eat. I didn't have energy to work out. This could look like something an outsider might call depression. To me, it was a signal that my head and my heart weren't in sync. It was a passing phase, for something inside of me was demanding I make some changes. I had to be open and receptive to the disorientation I was feeling for a few months in order to grow from the experience and make the necessary changes. Here's what I learned to do.
Acknowledge that when the heart quivers with pains of intangible moments, the brain has the capacity to soothe the doubts. Acknowledge the power of the times when the heart was overjoyed and see that those moments, though long gone, still meant something at the time. Time changes and doubts may pour into those holes in the heart, and know that those painful, heartbroken sentiments are okay. Know there will be more moments of love and happiness and heartaches ahead, and the only thing worth doing is learning from each and every one.
So now I’ve made a creed. Maybe you should, too. When my thoughts culminate into a shit-storm of "why" and "what-does-it-mean," when they're keeping me up at night reaching out for the people who aren't there anymore, I'll allow my heart to feel those fond memories once more. I'll allow myself to remember the good and know that the pain I feel in that moment is the very reason I'm so fond of that memory. Good comes with bad, beauty with a touch of ugliness, and healing with a bit of pain.
Realize the power you have when you choose where you focus: is it on the pain or the lesson learned from the pain? Choose to learn from the pain. Growth is essential.
