The background story.
I am the second oldest of four girls. We are all about a year and a half apart and grew up in Jacksonville, Florida. Vanessa was the youngest and she died on November 21, 2013 at the age of 16. October of that year, my mom bought my dad a brand new Harley. My dad asked Vanessa if she could watch our niece so he could take his bike out on the road for the first time. With only 12 miles traveled on the bike, a car ran a stop sign and hit my dad. I was living in Tallahassee at the time when I got a phone call from Vanessa. She cried to me about how our dad was hit by a car and that I needed to go home. I had never cried so hard and packed so fast. I thought he had died. My friends drove me to the hospital. I met up with my mom and sisters and we waited there patiently. A few hours later, we received the news that he would live but it would be a long road to recovery. We were all there for him every day, except for once, when Vanessa didn't show up.
One week prior to her death.
Noon had rolled around that day she didn't show and we began to get nervous. We called all of her friends and blew up her phone. She finally called back and told us the address of the friend's house where she was. She asked us not to get her until the next day, but as soon as we hung up the phone, we left to get her immediately. Twenty minutes later, we pulled into a sketchy neighborhood, so sketchy that a neighbor knocked on our car door and asked if he could help us. We gave him the name we were looking for and he said, “ You should call the police to escort her out because the people that live there are constantly overdosing and being carried out by ambulances.” I started crying and called the police. The police arrived shortly after and escorted her out.
As she walked to the car she could barely stand and when she got in the car all she did was cry silently. At first, I tried to make her feel better but then I couldn’t take it anymore and started questioning her. I asked her what was she on because I knew she was messed up, she whispered to me, “Xanax.” I then asked how many and she said, “six.” That’s when I actually lost it and started screaming, “How could you do this when dad is in the hospital? Did you know you could die from taking that many?” She just started crying harder and didn’t say a word until we got home where my other sisters were waiting to see her. Once we got home we basically had an intervention for her and asked her why. She said she was depressed because she felt that if she would not have offered to watch our niece, our dad would've never been in an accident.
She literally felt like the accident was her fault. As we talked, she was mentioning words like school buses and footballs and I was so confused because I have never messed with pills. After Vanessa went to bed I looked up these terms and I couldn’t believe what I was reading and that she had taken that much. Over the next week we spent a lot of time with Vanessa and our dad, they were both getting better and in my heart I really thought she would never do it again and that everything was going to be okay. I left to go back to school.
November 20, 2013
One week later I woke up to a phone call from my mom and she was crying. I asked her if something went wrong with dad’s surgery and she said, “ No, I found Vanessa in her bed this morning and she had no breath or heartbeat. It sounded like there was water in her stomach when I tried to do CPR. I called the ambulance and they came and got her.” She basically told me she found my sister dead and tried to revive her. I did not comprehend. I asked her, “Well is she okay? Are they just going to pump out her stomach?” and my mom said, “Kim I don’t know, just please come home.” I packed and ran down the street again to my friend's apartment and told them what happened, but this time I wasn’t screaming and was more calm. I was not processing what my mom had told me.
My friends drove me home again. When we arrived at the house, there were cops everywhere and I wasn't aloud inside so I proceeded to the hospital. I stopped at my dad’s nursing center first to tell him what was going on. As he cried and felt hopeless, all he said to me was, “Just go to the hospital and no matter what happens, take care of your momma.”
I went to the hospital and walked into Vanessa’s room where she was hooked up to all kinds of loud machines. I kissed her face everywhere. My mom walked in and fell to her knees on my feet, pulling my clothes, crying and screaming. That’s when I realized something was wrong. We found out that Vanessa choked to death on her vomit in her sleep because she was too high to notice. Hours pass by and our entire family was there waiting including hundreds of kids and friends in the lobby waiting to see if Vanessa would pull through. That night we were told that Vanessa had lost 90 percent or more of her brain activity in between the time she died and the time that the EMTs revived her. We knew that we had to let her go. She coded that night as the doctors were speaking with us and asking us what we wanted them to do if she codes again because her poor heart was exhausted. We agreed to let her go. The doctors said go home and get rest and tomorrow we will run one more test in the morning. Everyone went home except for me. I slept in her room just looking over and praying that she would wake up because I thought to myself, "she loves me so much, she would never leave me, she'll wake up."
November 21, 2013
Next thing I knew it was morning and she did not wake up. The test results came back and they were not good. The doctor said he would call my dad’s nursing center and have an ambulance bring him to Vanessa’s hospital, Wolfson’s Children’s. While we were waiting on my dad to arrive, we let all of the students, friends, and our family see Vanessa one last time and we told them all to look at her and learn from this. My dad arrived and the nurses wheeled him in because he was still in his own bed and couldn’t move anything on his body. My mom cried on him and he kept saying, “I just want to hold her and your mom but I can’t.” Finally the doctors came in and asked us if we were ready. My dad had one more request, that we opened his fingers and put them between Vanessa’s fingers. We did, and then they let her go. She was pronounced dead November 21, 2013. Just like that my life was changed forever.
How I Hope This Inspires You
If you are in high school, college, or is someone that is using, please know that turning to drugs will not solve any of your problems. Family and friends are the best ways to help you through whatever you are experiencing. No matter how embarrassing or intense your situation is, you are still a human just like everyone else, and odds are, hundreds of people have gone through what you're feeling now. It is temporary, and we are temporary here on earth. Make your time here last by making better choices and learning from Vanessa's mistake.
If you are a parent or guardian, no matter how much you trust your kid(s), it is important to always know where they are and who they're with. My parents trusted her so much and she had so much freedom, but one day her so called "friends" influenced in the worst way and they had no idea who these "friends" were.
If you are a sibling, love your brothers and sisters unconditionally, say sorry after you fight. Take more selfies together than Kim Kardashian (run up that data bill) and make time for each other. Nothing pains me more than knowing I have lost all of those opportunities with her.
If you are partying in college or ever out drinking with friends, look after each other. If your friend or roommate is too drunk or "messed up" to function, try and position them on their side when they're sleeping to help prevent them from choking on their vomit.
If you drive a vehicle, please watch for motorcycles. No matter who you are reading this, I hope you can stay above the influence, help your kids and family stay above the influence, and just simply love more. "Be Gr8 Today"-Ian apple, and everyday.
For more exciting and daily inspiration, (that isn't so sad)
Follow @begr8today on Instagram.
My first article is dedicated to you Vanessa. Rest easy, angel <3
