I don't have the typical relationship with my sisters like others might have with their sisters. I didn't grow up with them so I'm sure you can imagine that would cause our relationships to be different. We've missed years of birthdays, Thanksgivings, first boyfriends, first date, breakups, first periods, first pimples, worst hair days, fighting together, laughing together, and any other bonding moments or really, any moment. I can count on one hand the amount of times we saw each other before I turned 16.
Growing up without your two big sisters is tough. I would call any chance I could and keep them on the phone to update them on my day to day activities. I would become excited when they would tell me about their boyfriends and how they got their license. I would tell anyone about my big sisters and how great they were. Every elementary school project I had that asked me about my family, I would gush about them and tell everyone how proud I was to have two sisters, even though they didn't live with me.
As we grew older, it becomes harder and harder to keep in touch and talk frequently, especially when we are states away. It's hard. It's hard to have such amazing family and not live and grow with them. It's hard to miss out on every major life moment and because of that, miss out on the bonding experience most sisters have. It's hard to see your sisters doing and going about their daily lives on social media and not being a part of that daily life at all. It's hard to think about all the events you've missed out on and all the events you continue to miss out on simply because the relationship you have is more like cousins than sisters. There are some things in life that can't be undone and this is one of them.
I don't have a traditional relationship with my sisters and we don't talk much. We aren't close like most usual sisters are. Even though this is difficult, I wouldn't change it. I'd rather take any relationship with them than none at all. I'd rather take the handful of childhood memories than just a vague knowledge I have sisters at all. I'd rather talk infrequently and wish for more than have nothing at all. I'm learning to accept I can't change the past and I can't wish for things to be different. I'm learning to accept my reality and let go of the expectations. Because after it's all said and done, I will never have the bond I've always wanted with them, but that's okay. It's okay we've grown up apart because I believe it's taught us to love each other regardless of our circumstances. I don't know many people who barely saw their sisters growing up and act like that isn't a negative factor in their relationships like we do. Each time we visit, we laugh and love and get to know each other more in ways we couldn't before. We might not have bonded like normal sisters do, but we have bonded, and it's enough for me to love them with my whole heart and always want them in my life, even if it's smaller than I want.
It's okay I have sisters and I don't talk to on a regular basis. It's okay I have sisters and aren't close to them like other sisters might be. It's okay I have sisters and wish for more. This doesn't make my relationships any less special. If anything, this makes it even more special because I've fought for it. I've fought past the separated childhood and stigma of not growing up together to have a relationship. I still fight for it because it's worth it. My sisters are worth it. And I know in their eyes I'm worth it. It might not be normal, but who needs normal?
