Ah, Halloween. As a child, Halloween was the one night of the year when it was totally acceptable to solicit candy from neighbors. The days following October 31 were always filled with the joy of opening up the candy bag to find a treat and satisfy that sweet tooth. But inevitably, usually around Thanksgiving, there was no good candy left in that bag. All that were left were the shitty candies you spent the past three weeks ignoring, shoving to the bottom of the bag in favor of the Milky Ways and gummy Crabby Patties. Your dismal choices likely included:

1. THESE

Otherwise known as "Generic Halloween Nougats." Technically called "Peanut Butter Kisses," these were gross nougats with a theoretically peanut butter center. They came in a bunch of different festive Halloween-colored wrappers, but those colorful wrappers couldn't mask the fact that these sucked.

2. THESE

A.k.a. basically ipecac. Whoever had the audacity to hand these out on Halloween clearly went to the store with the mindset of, "Hmm, let me pick the absolute most unappealing candy ever." These monstrosities parading as "candy" were strawberry-flavored hard candies filled with strawberry-flavored mystery goo. The texture alone was vomit-inducing.

3. Werther's/Butterscotch Candies

Otherwise known as grandparent candy. You got these from the cute elderly couple who lived down the street. You smiled and thanked them as they plopped these into your bag, but really, you were crying inside.

4. Bit-O-Honey

Because nothing says "Happy Halloween!" like a $500 trip to the dentist to fix your now-cracked six-year molars.

5. Mary Janes

These were cool during World War I when they were literally the only sweet thing left in the world. But this is not 1914. Therefore, these = terrible.

6. Raisinets

Covering them in chocolate doesn't change the fact that they are RAISINS. Everybody knows that raisins are not a "healthy snack." They are neither healthy, nor are they satisfying. Covering them in chocolate only makes them less healthy and even more unsatisfying. They're the candy equivalent of biting into a chocolate chip cookie only to find out that it's actually oatmeal raisin. Disappointment in its purest form.

7. Milk Duds

Because only a candy this utterly shitty could've happened by accident.

8. Hot Tamales

That demonic fireball face is a testament to how evil these are. Hot Tamales remind me of "Rosemary's Baby," if Rosemary was a Mike and Ike and all the creepy Satan-worshipping neighbors were Red Hots. Hot Tamales are the resulting antichrist spawn of that awful dream sequence. Except this is no dream! This is really happening! Your face when you bite into a Hot Tamale:

9. Dubble Bubble/Bazooka Gum

"Ooh, gum!," your 8-year-old self exclaimed as you happened upon one of these signature types of gum. But your excitement lasted about as long as the flavor: approximately five seconds.

10. Necco Wafers

Silly neighbor, chalk is for sidewalks!

11. Dots

That weird chalky exterior, the ambiguous flavors... As if gumdrops weren't shitty enough, they went ahead and made DOTS.

12. Good & Plenty

PSA: No child ACTUALLY likes the flavor of licorice. Licorice is one of those flavors that you don't start liking until you're at least 75. It's the truth, don't deny it.

13. Now and Laters

Now you attempt to chew one of these...later you're still swallowing blood from the tooth it ripped out.

14. THESE

It's like someone slaughtered a gummy bear and then attempted to cover up the evidence by burying the pieces in a hunk of nougat. Oddly reminiscent of "Rear Window," Brach's is Lars Thorwald -- basically the worst.

15. Pretzels

Not even candy.

BONUS: Spare Change

Really? Usually amounts to somewhere between 17 and 23 cents. What can you buy with that? NOTHING. HAPPY HALLOWEEN -- LOVE, INFLATION.