I remember for a long time during high school, I was depressed and lonely. I started out the outgoing and friendly girl, and that slowly morphed into someone I was told to be versus who I really was. I felt like I was just one face in the crowd of many. I was nameless. My life began to become super overwhelming and eventually, I lost my identity as a whole. For years actually, I lost my sense of "Who am I?"

I remember the day everything finally actually clicked for me. I decided to pick up my Bible study one night (after years of not even caring about "organiZed religion"). Typically I would use an actual devotional book, but something made me just pick up my Bible instead. I had barely even laid it down on my bed before the pages flipped open and I laid my eyes on Isaiah 29:11 which reads,

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future .""

I started thinking to myself, "IF there is a God, why would he care about who I am and where I am going in life?" Days later I was listening to Klove, the first song that played was a song ironically called, "Who Am I?" by Casting Crowns. The more I listened to the song, tears started to fill in my eyes. Especially when it got down to,

"Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again?
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me? "

Why would a God who "created" me even want to take care of me? Why did he love me so much? I knew that for years I was told in church, He cares about me. To hear that He "call out through the rain" created such an impactful mental image in my mind. I saw myself in a huge storm of Satan's lies to me and I was constantly being rained down on. What really choked me up, was knowing that God was on the other side of the cloud. He could see me, and he was calling out to me. He was patiently waiting for me to call back out to him. I needed faith to see the other side.

The next night, I was reading my Bible again and I saw a story I heard a million times in Matthew 14 before about Peter. Now, Peter much like myself at the time was a doubter of the power of God. He was in a boat with other disciples and they all couldn't believe it was Jesus walking on the water. Peter being the doubter he was, called out to him and said, "Lord, if it is you, call out to me!". So, Jesus did. Peter was shocked in actuality. But, he got out and started to walk on the water towards God. He saw the rough seas around him and felt the rough winds and instead of concentrating on God he began to sink. Peter calls back out to Jesus, "Lord, Save Me!!" Jesus reached out his hand and says this to him which also impacted me,

“You of little faith,” He said, “why did you doubt?”“

Wait. What? I doubted God. I doubted his love for me. Man, that really hit me in the gut. I was so much like Peter it was painful! Now granted I did not just decide to go try and walk on water, but I saw the mirror image. I was so concentrated on trying to find out who I was, that I was ignoring what I already knew about my identity. My identity was wrapped in Christ. I had been doubting who I was and in turn doubting God and one of his creations; me. A week or so later, I had picked back up on another devotional and I saw this verse in Psalms 139,

"Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day.
Darkness and light are alike to You.
For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother’s womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well."

God himself formed me in my Mother's womb. He knows my innermost being. Wow. I knew then that my identity was that I was a child of God. To take things even further, I saw this bible verse within the same bible study from Luke 12,

"And very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows."

My worth and identity is found through God. Don't be a Peter, reclaim your identity as a Child of God today. Have Faith and know that God is on the other side of your cloud. He hears you. Call out to Him!