The season four premiere of 90 Day Fiance on TLC just began, and it looks like it's going to be a saucy season.

If you're not familiar with the show, let me get you up to speed: There are Americans who find love overseas on vacation, through friends, through their universities, online, etc. These people get engaged to their foreign lover (usually very quickly) and begin the K-1 Visa process. This means the couple has 90 days to get married once the partner from overseas gets to the U.S., or else they must go back to their home country.

I was sucked in to this show during a marathon leading up to the new season. By sucked in, I mean my dog and I were laying on the couch eating popcorn, Pringles, and Nutella like Lady and the Tramp for eight hours, and I was tempted to call in sick to work.

Exhibit A:

It's crystal clear I'm single, and here are the thoughts running through my head every time I watch or think about 90 Day Fiance:

1. I am too American for a foreign guy.

I love fried chicken, Fourth of July, Starbucks, ranch dressing, line dances, and my mama so much. A foreign fiance would not be able to handle all of this.

2. But the thought of letting loose, being spontaneous, and snagging a Swahili sweetie is tempting.

Life is too short to not be spontaneous, right?

3. How did some of these people on the show attract total babes?!

Oh wait...9.9 times out of 10, there is a 40 year age difference or something super sketchy happening in these cases. (And by sketchy cases, I'm looking at you Danielle and Mohamed. Fun fact for my Buckeye crowd: Danielle is from Sandusky, OH.)

4. *It* always hits the fan with these couples after the first few days of living with each other! Good thing I live with me, myself and I.

Seriously, the honeymoon phase ends for everyone, and it's not pretty. If a man--Team USA or nah--thinks your post-Taco Bell fart sesh or Wine Wednesday is wrong, he isn't right for you, girl.

5. The men these women find could be strippers at MY bachelorette party by all means.

No explanation needed. The pictures above say it all. (Looking at you Alexei from Season 3, Azan from Season 4, and Pedro from Season 4. Pour some sugar on me. Just kidding! You're married or engaged. Do not pour anything on me.)

My closing, and not-so-mean thoughts:

Love is love. The only people who know whether or not a relationship will work are the people in it. This goes for anyone. Don't be starstruck by someone just because they are good looking or have a lot of money. It's okay to be skeptical. Someone who loves you should just say "challenge accepted" to your skepticism. Let your family and friends cut to the chase and meet the hottie who gets the opportunity to date you. Listen to them. They love you enough to call the crap, and most of the time, unfortunately, they are right.

Best of luck, love birds. Now excuse me while I continue to Lady and the Tramp snacks with my dog during 90 Day Fiance.