For many people, college is spent agonizing over who they are dating or how they can meet a person to call their boyfriend or girlfriend. When the weekend comes around, our desire to mingle with the opposite sex is at least partially what gets us to head to parties and bars. While there is nothing wrong with being in relationship in college, staying single definitely has its benefits.

Thinking about how to word your next text or trying to achieve your best Snapchat selfie angle for ten minutes takes a lot of time—a lot of time where you could be doing something actually productive or paying attention to the people who are around you. Many times, I feel like “talking” to guys takes up a lot of my energy and I end up being less in the moment around my friends and even in my classes. The college experience is like no other time in our lives; we should try to soak up every moment. For the most part, the people that we extend so much of our energy trying to impress or hook up with, will not be nearly as important as the friends that are right in front of us, so take this time to enjoy the friends we’ll probably have for the rest of our lives.

In high school, almost everyone tries to fit into different social groups or alter themselves to make themselves appear “cooler.” In many cases, college is the first time we can decide who we want to be without intense peer pressure or input from our parents. However, it seems many people who begin a relationship without seriously considering who they are end up trying to form themselves around the person they are dating. We are uniquely positioned to find our own identity at this point in our lives, we should try to take advantage of it without worrying about who someone else wants us to be. If we want to be comfortable with ourselves, and happy in future relationships, we need to prioritize finding our own identity now while we have the chance.

So if you’ve spent your college career living the single life, don’t be too concerned about a significant other. Instead, maybe try to find yourself first.