While most of us consider ourselves independent individuals who are secure enough to maintain our own values while respecting someone else's, the difference between being flexible and completely bending to a romantic partner's will can be a slippery slope.
Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean that everything the two of you disagree on suddenly disappears. There are times when you'll have to occasionally make concessions in order to reach a solution, but you should never be the one to relent on every issue. If you're not sure about how you stand in your relationship here are few signs that you may be a dating pushover.
1. You let them set the pace of the relationship
It can be hard to know if things are moving at a normal speed, especially if you're new to relationships. If you feel like things are moving too quickly or like the two of you aren't on the same page and choose to ignore it because the other person is content with where you are, then you're not giving your own feelings enough consideration. A relationship is not just about one person's emotions, disregarding the ones you're unsure about to avoid making waves doesn't make you peacekeeper, it makes you a pushover.
2. Your lack of an opinion is replaced by theirs
It's okay not to have an opinion on every issue plaguing our society at the moment, but it's not okay to allow your partner to declare a stance for you. If you're having a conversation with friends and politics are being broached and your S/O prefaces their statement with "We think," -knowing darn well that you don't have anything to say about Trump's administration and they think he's the best thing since Netflix started streaming "Friends"- and you don't interject with your true feelings, then you've just let them know that their preferences are more important than yours.
3. You conform to the way they see you
People are multifaceted and complex beings. While Tinder may ask you to describe yourself by a handful of defining characteristics to better match you with a mate, you are more than just "quiet" and "indoorsy". If you find yourself with someone who reduces you to labels that complement them, chances are that the more you're around them the more you'll start to only identify yourself by those labels as well. When you conform to the 2-dimensional image that someone else has of you, you lose parts of your identity and become a social chameleon.
4. You alter your dreams to fit into theirs
It's exciting to picture your life with someone you care and are serious about. Of course, you have to make some configurations in order for things to work for the both of you, but there has to be an equal amount of compromise for it to be healthy. If you're working towards a degree that would open doors for you to meet new people and have new experiences but your S/O has dreams to get settled sooner rather than later and makes you feel like you're overreaching in your life, don't abandon your vision for something that would fit into theirs.
Being a pushover does not mean you're a weak person. I don't think anyone sets out with the intent to be a chameleon dater. Sometimes it happens gradually, two people start off in a relationship thinking that they're compatible and then one person grows more comfortable and their will and opinions turn out to be stronger than the other persons'. Other times, you just make a poor judgment call and try to make things work with someone that wasn't meant for you.
If you find yourself to be a pushover in your relationship and you're unhappy about it, you can change. Take some time to learn about yourself and figure out what you want and who you want to be. You can't choose someone who really loves you and values your mind if you don't know how you need to be loved and understood. Whether you need a to step away from the dating scene, have a conversation with your romantic partner or even take a break from them, understanding yourself will strengthen all of your relationships in the long run.
