Unfortunately, like many human beings, I have been in several toxic relationships that at the time I refused to acknowledge were unhealthy until it was too late. I think everyone at some point in their life will experience this, meeting someone and believing that all of the red flags are okay "because you love them." Believing that every unhealthy habit is okay because "it's a sign of love." At this point in my life, I have finally found myself in something happy and healthy with someone else, someone who makes me want to be the best version of myself possible rather than isolating me. Finding this took many years of toxicity and kissing a lot of toads, but while reflecting on those toxic relationships, I have compiled a list of 7 warning signs I should have noticed before it was too late. Hopefully, these will help someone out there, too.
1. Finding yourself isolated from the rest of the world.
After my last toxic relationship, I found myself without any friends or anyone to rely on when I was all alone. It made the lonely days lonelier than ever and it was emotionally destructive. I think that no matter who you are dating you should always make your friends, sisters/brothers, and family a priority up with your significant other. If the person you are dating tries to be absolute priority of your life over those other people, that is unhealthy. It's always okay to see your significant other and depend time with them, it's perfectly normal to want to be with them a lot because you love them, but remember to prioritize the rest of your life, too.
2. You feel like you need to be around each other all of the time just to keep the relationship alive.Â
It's true when they say that distance makes the heart grow fonder. You shouldn't have to feel like you need to see them every waking moment, it's really unhealthy. We all have busy lives full of work and strenuous schedules and if the relationship ends up in marriage, you will not be able to see each other every moment of every day, this strains the relationship. A healthy relationship makes plans to see each other during the week but doesn't rely on constant company to stay afloat.
3. Being around them feels draining and/or exhausting.
You should leave a date with your significant other so excited to see them again, not physically, mentally, or emotionally drained from your time together.
4. They make you feel bad for expressing your concerns.
This is a trait I have seen too many times, unfortunately, and it is honestly one of the scariest traits of a toxic relationship. They will make you feel bad for spending time with someone or they'll lie to you and even though the lie may be obvious, they'll make you feel bad for not trusting them, just to name a few examples. It's crazy the lengths some people will go to emotionally manipulate another human being that they supposedly "care about." In a healthy relationship you shouldn't have a worry in the world about the other person because you trust them and love them enough to know that they would never in their right mind try to hurt you in any way possible.
5. You always feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them.
You should always feel comfortable enough in your relationship that you can talk about anything with them. You should never feel like you have to hold back feelings from someone that you "love." Feelings are human, no matter what the world says about them, they are innately human.
6. They never take responsibility for their actions.Â
I've always been the girlfriend that if something bothers me, I will tell you so we can move on from it. I have also been in the relationship before where I tell my significant other what problem I'm having and instead of taking responsibility for their actions, they try and become the victim and make me feel bad for bringing up the problem in the first place. Personally, those moments have made it hard for me to talk about problems with anyone anymore because I always feel bad afterward. I am still trying to get over saying "sorry" every time I tell someone how I am feeling because I feel so bad for expressing my problems anymore. This is such a toxic sign and I sincerely hope no one else has to feel this way.
7. They lie to you or you feel like you can never trust them.
This is one of the most obvious signs but unfortunately, in some toxic situations, you may not see the lies until it's already over. I know in my own experiences I have been told one thing and then the opposite happened, but I let it slide. I didn't realize how much I let slide until it was all over and I felt bad for caring so much in the end.
If you're in a toxic relationship, get out...immediately. You are worth all of the love and happiness the world has to offer and that is the truth. YOU ARE MADE FOR MORE! When one person doesn't value you like you deserve, set them free so you can make room for that special person that will value you until the end of your days. That person is out there, I promise.
