When it comes to timing, every relationship is unique. For every pair of lovers, there is a different pace at which their romance proceeds and different levels of what is and what isn't acceptable at a particular stage. And you might be really into the guy you're dating right now, but that will change if he continues to rush the important steps of your relationship. If you move too quickly, you risk heartbreak further down the line because you never took the time to understand one another. That being said, here are twelve behaviors that you'll likely see in a man who's got his eyes too far ahead in the future.
1. He just got over a breakup and moved right on to you
Rather than wallow around in his hurt feelings, your boyfriend decided to pretend his heartbreak never even happened and moved onto you in record time. He reassures you that his ex is history, just a memory with no emotions attached, but his actions tell you otherwise. More often than not, he's venting to you about the betrayal and heartache he's faced in his most recent romance and he cringes dramatically whenever her name comes up. If he's behaving in such a way, advise him to seek out friendly help or to speak to a therapist about his distress; you are looking for a relationship, not an excuse to be someone's rebound.
2. He's already arranging the "meet the family" dinner
You've only been going out for a few weeks and he's already pressuring you to accompany him home to meet his parents and his siblings. The "meet the family" stage of a long-term relationship is nerve-wracking enough, and to abbreviate that time is not fair to either of you. If you were "just hooking up" last week and just started dating, he needs to slow down and hold off on the family reunion. Sorry, Mr. and Mrs. S.O., but your son is rushing his girlfriend through a pivotal stage in their romance and he needs to postpone that dinner for now.
3. He doesn't know your middle name, but he "knows" he wants to move in with you
He can't remember if your middle name is Emily or Elizabeth and forgets if you're a dog or a cat person, but he's so convinced he wants to live with you, marry you, and eventually start a family with you. Yeah… seems legit. Ideally, you need to know your partner like the back of your hand before you make a (functional and happy) home with them. If he's already looking into apartments for you to share when he can't even come up with a list of your "favorites," he's got his head in all the wrong places. Your boyfriend needs to catch his breath and REALLY think things through before he pounces on a lease for the two of you.
4. He agrees with you on absolutely everything
Maybe he hates your messy eating habits or would rather not get Thai food for the third time since you've started going out. Or perhaps he's put-off by how much you love PDA and prefers to keep affection for private moments. But is he going to express his opinions in an effort to find a compromise? Nope! He's going to be the yes-man just because he's afraid of rocking the boat; he thinks agreeing with you always is the only way he'll be able to keep your relationship perfect. Your man must be in his own world, because there's no way that you will never be at odds at some point over something silly or even something serious.
5. Your room has also become "his" roomÂ
It's not an issue if he's storing some overnight essentials at your place. But if he's already influencing your home decor or insisting you put up an entire collage of couple photos, your bae is starting to overstay his welcome. He is taking over your personal space, removing what makes you an individual and converting your "I's' into "we's." It might not seem like a huge deal at first; in fact, it might even seem sweet. And in moderation, it is sweet, but it's when your room unofficially becomes his room that you need to talk about boundaries.
6. His social media posts suggest you've been together for years
Bonus points if his captions are all about how much he loves you and would do anything for you. Like chill, my guy— you've been dating her for barely a month, yet your feed is dominated by mirror selfies, kissing photos, and staged candids you'll always swear were "real and in the moment." Your man has friends and a life beyond your relationship, but he's telling the world that you are his sole reason for existing. He wants all of his posts to show that you are why he breathes and why he smiles. That's a huge red flag that, on the surface, might seem harmless, but his dependence on you for happiness really needs to be addressed ASAP.
7. When you're alone together, he makes it all about sex
The honeymoon phase seems to be here to stay when you're with him. He must want the sparks that ignited when you first met to be burned up within your first few weeks of dating, because it's all about getting physical when you're together. You propose romantic ideas for dates and hangouts, but he still would rather spend the day making out and having sex. How can he expect your relationship to move forward and develop if all it's based on is sexual attraction? You have every right to deny him sex, no matter how unhappy he claims it makes him. If he can't be alone with you fully-clothed, he doesn't need to be in your life.
8. He guilts you for wanting some time for yourself
When you ask him for some time alone, he sulks and bombards you with text messages the entire time to make up for your physical absence. No matter how busy he knows you are, your boyfriend gets all huffy whenever you suggest that you spend an afternoon apart. Even worse than that, he'll try to dissuade you from enjoying some personal time by guilting you into hanging out with him. "I miss you" and "you're always so distant" and "why can't you relax when I'm there?" are just a few of the statements he'll use in his attempt to win you over. It's up to you to put him in his place and recognize that your relationship does not consume your entire life.
9. Everything in your life has become about him
If he'll drop everything he's doing— laundry, homework, studying, even sleeping— just to come over and see you, you should be worried that your relationship has consumed all of his time and energy. Relationships are most functional when they are made up of individuals who have their own independent lives as well as their lives together. Your boyfriend shouldn't always ignore his family, his friends, or his priorities and place you ahead of them every time. If he does this, he either does not have a lot going on to keep himself busy or he really is the definition of "clingy."
10. He's a little TOO sure that you're "The One"
Even the healthiest relationship between two people who are undeniably enamored with each other leaves a little bit of room for doubt and uncertainty. It's only human to fear that the person you're putting all of your faith and trust into might not be the ideal life partner after all. If your boyfriend is absolutely 100% certain that you're the woman for him, especially if you're the first person he's seriously dated, that might call into question how seriously he views marriage. Look at the timeline of your relationship and try to gauge whether or not he's one to speed things along. Is he looking to get hitched right after college and wants to get the courting stage over with? Or is he really, sincerely confident that you are his one and only?
11. He shocks you with how soon he pops "the L-word"
So you've been going out for a few weeks, getting to know each other slowly and going on some casual dates. It's around the third week that he proclaims how deeply in love with you he is… and that's when you run. Although the appropriate time to say "I love you" really depends on the couple, most people would agree that it is highly unlikely that you truly love someone after knowing them for less than a month. He may be new to the whole relationship thing and thus not know how to proceed with the girl he's dating, but whether or not you stay with him is your call. Just know that he might be trouble if he's known to rush the connection he's forming with you.
12. He claimed you as "his" before you even talked about dating
He gets angry whenever you mention in passing that cute guy you see on your way to class every day. You are hesitant to trust him with your phone because he might scroll through your messages and read too far into your conversations. When he hears that you're still using Tinder and hooking up with other people, he blows up at you for being unfaithful and, dare he say, for cheating on him. If the two of you never discussed being monogamous, then he has no right to chain you up and demand that you only see him. The terms of the hookup should also be clarified in case he has forgotten that you started off as a purely casual relationship. He cannot claim you if you never established that you're dating.
If you still want to be with your boyfriend, take him aside and gently express your concerns about how fast he's moving. Communicate your needs and wants with him and encourage him to work with you to reach a compromise. If you really mean as much to him as he claims, he should have no problems with backtracking and going slower.
