Chances are, if you’re reading this article, you’re one of two people. Either you know me in real life and always read my articles or you’re uncertain about your current relationship. Or maybe you’re both. If you’re the former, thanks so much for your support. I really appreciate it. And if you’re the latter, I just want to preface this with I’m not an expert on relationships by any means. All I’m giving you is my honest, sincere advice.
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Just judging by the fact that you clicked on this article, I’m guessing you’re a little insecure about your relationship. Maybe you want to read these signs just to give you affirmation that your relationship is thriving. Or maybe you are concerned about the direction your relationship is heading. Whatever the case, if you’re feeling like your relationship is toxic or harmful for any reason, please end it. Don’t use online articles as an excuse to put it off just because your relationship doesn’t fit every sign or anything like that.
PSA over. Let’s get started.
Abuse
Okay, this isn't a sign that your relationship is ending, but it's a sign that it should end. Physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, any kind of abuse should be a red flag. Get out of that relationship. Now. Don’t even bother to read the rest of this article.
Lack of communication
You know how important I think communication is to a relationship. I talked about it in my long distance relationship article, but it’s an important facet to any relationship, long distance or not. If you’re not communicating, then you’re keeping all of your emotions (personal and about the relationship) to yourself. And that’s how resentment and anger builds. Please note that I don’t mean that you’ve just stopped talking about things altogether. You can still have a lack of meaningful communication even if you talk every day. I’m not saying that you always need to have deep conversations or that sharing the little things in your life is trivial. I’m saying that if you don’t care what they’re saying and they don’t care what you’re saying...something’s wrong.
Lack of conflict resolution
Sometimes the “agree-to-disagree” thing works. And sometimes, it really doesn’t. Like, it works if you don’t have the same favorite ice cream flavor. But it doesn’t work if you want to have kids but you disagree on core child-rearing beliefs. Before you’re like, “Oh, good! We don’t disagree on that very specific example. We must be fine!” I must say, first of all, No. And second of all, no. It’s an example, not a complete list. Remember that people’s worldviews and values percolate into everyday behaviors, so if they make a remark that makes you uncomfortable, chances are good it reflects their beliefs. Compromise (on both ends) is essential. As is understanding what things in your life are not compromisable.
Passive-aggressive behavior
As for passive-aggressive behavior, it’s just not good, friends. I know you’re scared of confrontation, but this is not the way to handle it. What are you so scared of? That if you’re honest, they’ll leave you? Why are you with them if they don’t care to know what you really think or feel? Don’t let yourself get walked on and don’t manipulate your partner into doing what you want without telling it to them straight.
You support them, but they don’t support you
It doesn’t even have to be your goals and dream career aspirations. They could just not support something important to you. Maybe they don’t show up to events. Maybe they think what you do for a hobby is dumb. Maybe they see their aspirations as more important than yours. Whatever the case, it’s bad news if they think they're worthy of support and you're not.
Your friends/family don’t like them
It’s one thing if your family is just prejudiced against people with tattoos or anything like that. If their sole reason for disliking someone is based on physical attributes, that’s a problem I can’t solve. On the other hand, if your friends and/or family have expressed concern over the way your significant other has been treating your or certain personality flaws or anything of the like, you might want to listen. I know, I know: you’re in love and these people just don’t understand your love for each other.
This isn’t a Disney movie. If the people who love you most and know you best think there’s a problem with your significant other, you shouldn’t get defensive and be like, “Well, you just don’t understand them!” You should listen. Remember, those people loved you long before this person ever came along. Also, if your significant other is cutting you off from your family and friends, that’s another bad sign.
You feel the need to defend their actions to everyone
Wait, I have a Little Mermaid gif for this one, too!
Please. Maybe there a couple times when it really is a “they-won’t-understand-without-context” sort of thing and you have to explain, but every time? Not good.
Also, as great as the soundtrack for the The Little Mermaid is, I don't advice using Ariel as your role model, for relationships or otherwise.
Apathy
If you and/or your significant other just don’t care anymore and you’re simply coasting, you should end it. You’re not doing anyone a favor if one or both of you don’t care about the other person or bettering the relationship.
You’re scared of being single
I guess that’s not really a sign. It’s sort of a state. If the only reason you’re staying with someone is because you’re scared of being single, then I suggest you work on that relationship with yourself instead of one with another human being. This is especially hard when you’re in a long-term relationship with someone and it’s been a long time since you’ve been single. It’s worse to be in a bad relationship than to be single. Trust me.
Similarly, if you or your significant other is codependent and/or emotionally dependent on each other, you should probably end the relationship. That's not healthy.
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Can I just take a moment to say that just because the relationship ended, it doesn’t make the relationship a failure. Maybe the first love, college sweetheart, we-already-picked-baby-names thing didn’t work out. So what? It doesn’t make you or the relationship a failure. It just makes it something that didn’t work out. There are a lot of things in life that don’t work out and this relationship will neither be the first nor the last. Not every relationship was meant to last. Think of it as something you learned from. Maybe you learned what you don’t want in a relationship. Maybe you learned more about yourself as a person. An ended relationship is an experience, not a failure.
