Summer camp was alright and fun when you were kid, but nothing compares to deer camp. Gun opener is basically your Christmas morning and you can't wait to shimmy up into your stand to bag yourself a trophy buck. You live for the days spent out in the wilderness and it gives you a chance to escape from reality for a while. Whatever problems you have, they are nothing compared to the squirrel or woodpecker that is making the woods sound like a construction zone. Whether you hunt alone or with a giant party, here are the top signs that you are ready for deer camp/ hunting season.
1. You have played Bananas At Large “Da Turdy Point Buck” song on the way to work/ school every morning.
2. You practice trash talking in the mirror. (Yes, that’s right. You roast yourself in the morning.)
3. You’ve started your “Deer Camp Meal Plan” which consists of candy bars, bacon, beer, beef jerky, and Little Debbies.
4. You look around department stores to play cards against old retired folks with nothing else to do so you are ready for when money is on the line.
5. You practice your trophy buck photo pose in the mirror after you shower.
6. You flinch at any little sound you hear.
7. You stop wearing deodorant to avoid giving off a scent that would scare off any deer. (Co-workers and roommates may not be a fan of this practice.)
8. You shoot your roommates with a Nerf gun as you pretend to film your own hunting show.
9. You don’t go to the bathroom all day or if you do, you do it in a Mountain Dew bottle.
10. You try to make your farts sound louder. (What? Silent, but deadly at deer camp is not a thing. How else are people supposed to know?)
11. You wear cargo pants to work or class and try to stuff as many snacks as you can into them. As the day progresses you try to consume the snacks as quietly as you can. (True hunters will try this out on the quietest level of the library. I’m not responsible for any injuries you may acquire.)
12. You set your alarm for 5am just to get used to being up at the crack of dawn. You do this a couple of times after a night of drinking to gauge your stamina.
13. You time yourself when making sandwiches in the morning you so can maximize your sleeping time.
14. You practice the phone call to your buddies about the buck that got away from you, but you just couldn’t get a good shot at it. (We know, it was a for sure wall hanger.)
Wisconsinites, November 19th is just around the corner so get ready for what is bound to be another fun year at deer camp. Hopefully we can get some snow on the ground soon. Shoot straight and remember, “treat every hunter as if he or she were loaded.”
