Healthy:

• Develops over time
• The relationship is based on friendship
• Sex is not necessary for the relationship to grow
• Each person believes they can “live” without the other, but prefers to be in the relationship
• Partners are comfortable alone and are not afraid to leave the relationship if needed
• Allows independence and growth
• Communicate to have needs met
• Can live with partner’s flaws and works towards giving unconditional love
• Partners have individual self-worth
• Old “issues” are put to rest once forgiveness has taken place
• Friendships outside of the relationship are important
• Respects physical boundaries established (especially sexual)
• Respects moral and spiritual values. Helps the person to grow in their faith
• Actions and words build up the other partner
• Has honesty and truth at the core of the relationship

Unhealthy:

• Develops very rapidly
• The relationship is based on neediness
• Feeling connected is based on sexual issues
• “Can’t live without you” feelings
• Fearful of being alone or ending relationship
• Threatened by partner’s growth/changes
• Expects partner to “know” how to fulfill needs. Plays “games”
• Does not tolerate flaws, expects unconditional love
• Looks to others for affirmation and self-worth
• Rehashing old “issues” very frequently
• Jealous of friendships outside of relationship
• Does not respect physical boundaries
• Does not respect moral or spiritual values. Hinders spiritual growth
• Actions and words are hurtful, demanding, or abusive
• Little honesty, secretive