My dog, Riley, is seen as another child in my family, and although he has been a part of my family for many years, I only recently realized that he is a complete and total diva. Upon realizing this, I decided to compile a list of signs to tell if your dog is a diva or not.
1. Refuses to sleep in the dog bed. They only accept the finest of down comforters, the fluffiest pillows, and the comfiest beds. Sleeping on the floor or in a dog bed is out of the question. They'll put their head on the edge of the bed until you notice them and give them the go ahead to jump up. Trying to ignore them is not an option -- they will get impatient and start to whine until you are forced to let them up. Thankfully, they are generous enough to leave us with a sliver of the bed.
2. They only ride shotgun. Do not even try to make them sit in the back seat; they will get upset and eventually make their way up to the front.
3. They make us carry them. Even if they are not lap dogs, this happens. For a while, my dog had this trend going where he would just sit at the bottom of the stairs waiting for someone to carry his majesty up the stairs.
4. Purposely lazy. They know we will end up doing it for them. My dog loves to play with his toys, but the second we throw the ball "too far" he looks at us and just sits there appalled that we assumed he would travel such a distance to retrieve it. This usually results in us walking over to get the ball and placing it right at his feet, and all happiness is restored.
5. They always expect gifts. Whether you return from the mall or the grocery store, your dog always thinks the bags are filled with toys for him. My dog waits until we put the bags down and walk away before he sneaks over and tries to silently rummage through our bags looking for his toys. Once he realizes there aren't any, he mopes away in defeat.
6. They get mad when you don't give them human food. Eating a piece of cheese? Had steak or meatballs for dinner? You better give your dog some. If you don't, they will be your shadow until you do. They will put their head right on your lap and whine and whine until they get a piece of whatever you are eating. My dog even memorized the sound of the refrigerator door opening; it will even wake him up from his sleep.
7. They play with our emotions. My dog has perfected this. He will be galloping around with his toy in his mouth -- dragging it by his feet -- and inevitably trip over it. He will just lay there until the entire family rushes over to his aid and cuddles and kisses him to see if he is okay, which he always is. After much consoling, he runs over to where his treats are and sits there until we catch on that he was just "hurt" and must get a treat at once. Ingenious.
8. They are selfish with their toys. When they are chewing on a new bone, do not even think about walking within a five-foot radius of them because they will growl at you -- because obviously you are jealous of their new bone and are trying to steal it. You can be sitting down minding your own business and my dog will run over and nudge you with his head then go back to chewing his bone, as if saying, "I know you're watching, don't even think about it."
9. They eat gourmet food. About four different ingredients and 500 steps are involved when preparing their dinner. It's shipped in from god knows where, it's organic (indicating a very high diva status), and it must be prepared in a very specific way. My dog's breakfast is simply kibble, and sometimes he doesn't eat it. Because, what is he -- a peasant?
10. They always demand attention. Do not even think about ending that belly rub. The second I stop petting my dog, he immediately turns to me and shoots me a glare in astonishment that I could even think about not petting him. If they're feeling really sassy, they'll hit you with their paws. How rude.
Congratulations Riley, you have successfully taken my place as the biggest diva in the family. But, doesn't every family need one?
